North America / California (The Shrine Auditorium): February 24th, 1993.
It was a beautiful day for the world. The birds were chirping their songs as mankind went about their daily routines with smiles on their faces at beauty of the city, but also sad looks on their faces at the horror of it whether it be financially, emotionally or physically, yet if you were to look closely in california. To be more specific, at the shrine auditorium. You could see a lot of stars and rich people sitting at round tables inside of it in luxurious outfits with expensive jewelry on and fake smiles plastered on their faces while cameras flashed and orchestra music played softly in the background.
(Garry Shandling's POV)
"Good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the grammys, the only place in america where millionaires in glittered outfits sit in the same room and pretend that losing is still somehow an honor." Said garry with a smile as the audience laughed and clapped.
The huge audience crowed was dressed to the nines. Music artists, executives, producers, songwriters, actors and all kinds of rich people were spread across the shrine auditorium at tables with wine glasses, champagne bottles and little snacks that cost more than a average man's rent.
Garry adjusted his suit jacket and said while gesturing with both of his hands "Tonight we're here to celebrate music, talent, artistry and of course carefully hidden jealousy. Because let's be honest, half of you in this room are clapping with one hand and plotting with the other."
The audience burst into loud laughter and clapping. Some artists looked away while others laughed harder at the truth.
"Now look around the room folks. We have legends in here tonight. We have icons, divas, crooners, heartbreakers, soul snatchers, whistle note offenders and executives who still somehow think shoulder pads are a sign of intelligence." Said garry as the audience laughed again.
Garry pointed to one side of the room and said while squinting playfully "Over there is michael jackson, still looking like the only man alive who could moonwalk through judgment day and come out with better skin than when he went in."
The audience clapped loudly while michael smiled shyly and lowered his head with a wave.
"And there is mariah carey, the woman whose whistle notes can crack glass, disturb wildlife and make grown executives sign checks they didn't mean to write." Said garry as the audience laughed and clapped again while mariah smiled and waved her hand with a small laugh.
"And somewhere in this building is berry gordy, which means somewhere in this building a contract is being written, a fortune is being made and somebody's entire music career is being bought with a handshake and a sandwich." Said garry while shaking his head.
The audience laughed loudly again while berry pointed at himself with a fake offended look and chuckled.
Garry adjusted his throat and said with a smile while pacing slowly across the stage "But let's not forget, tonight also isn't just about celebrating the people we already love, it's about reminding the academy that every now and then they accidentally do the right thing."
The audience let out a mixed reaction of laughter, claps and scandalized sounds.
"I know, I know, that one hit a little to close to the actual gramophone." Said garry with a grin.
The audience laughed harder.
A soft orchestra melody started playing in the background as garry walked toward the edge of the stage and looked out across the tables and suddenly his eyebrows creased subtly and he said while pointing offstage "Now hold on a minute…we have an interesting little situation here tonight."
The audience quited down slightly.
Garry pointed toward a table where mariah, berry and michael were seated together and said with a surprised look on his face "Ladies and gentlemen, I see michael jackson at table twelve. I see mariah carey at table twelve. I see berry gordy at table twelve…"
He paused dramatically and squinted harder.
"But unless my eyesight has finally decided to retire before I do, I do not see crystalline alina knowles at table twelve." Said garry while putting his hand over his forehead dramatically and looking into the distance.
The audience reacted loudly with a wave of murmurs and claps.
Garry adjusted his tie and said with a dry chuckle "Now that's a problem because when the richest woman in music decides to be fashionably late, the room doesn't call it rude, it calls it suspense."
The audience laughed and clapped.
Garry looked directly at the camera and said while gesturing with one hand "For those at home who may have somehow been living under a piano bench for the past decade, let me explain exactly who we're waiting on."
The camera zoomed in slightly.
"Crystalline alina knowles. Six albums. More award wins than some people have songs in their discography. The woman the press calls the mother of neo-soul, the woman the industry tried to ignore until she became to rich to miss, the first black music billionaire in history, a touring powerhouse, a chart terror, and apparently now also a scheduling mystery." Said garry while counting on his fingers.
The audience clapped louder. Michael smiled. Mariah laughed softly and berry shook his head with a sigh like he already saw this coming.
Garry suddenly stopped and looked backstage and said "Actually…speaking of ms knowles and the academy suddenly remembering how to use its eyes, I have been asked to do something very special tonight."
The audience went quiet.
Garry lifted a envelope off a small stand beside him and opened it dramatically and said while reading "By decision of the recording academy and in recognition of extraordinary contribution, vocal excellence, cultural impact, commercial dominance and years of being embarrassingly overdue, the academy tonight presents ms crystalline alina knowles with eleven honorary legend awards."
The shrine auditorium exploded.
"AHHHHHHHHHHH." Said the audience loudly while clapping and cheering. Some stood up immediately in surprise.
Mariah's eyes widened and berry let out a deep sigh while michael smiled with visible pride in his eyes.
Garry looked out at the crowd and said with disbelief "Eleven. Not one. Not two. Eleven. That's not a special recognition, that's the academy trying to apologize in bulk."
The audience laughed and clapped harder.
Suddenly five men in black tuxedos began making their way from backstage pushing silver carts, each cart holding heavy gold gramophone style legend awards lined up neatly with black velvet underneath them. The lights hit the gold and made them gleam so brightly that the whole audience reacted with another loud wave of noise.
Garry stepped aside and stared at the carts in amazement and said "Oh. My. God. They weren't kidding, this looks less like a tribute and more like a luxury robbery."
The audience laughed loudly.
The five men rolled the carts onto the stage and lined them up carefully behind garry. All eleven legend awards shining like expensive little monuments to guilt.
Garry shook his head and said while gesturing behind himself "I don't care how rich you are, if you come home with eleven of these at once somebody in your family is gonna think you stole them."
The audience laughed again.
A camera cut to michael, mariah and berry at the table.
Garry pointed at them and said with a grin "And just look at this table. Michael jackson, the king of pop. Mariah carey, the songbird that could probably sing a fire alarm into harmonizing. Berry gordy, the man who helped make music feel expensive. And the empty chair. That chair belongs to the woman so late and so powerful that the academy rolled out eleven trophies before she even walked in."
The audience cheered again.
Suddenly a loud wave of applause started rising from the far entrance of the auditorium.
Garry paused and looked over.
The camera swung toward the entrance doors.
The audience got even louder.
And there I was.
Crystalline alina knowles had finally arrived.
She stepped into the shrine auditorium like a divine punishment wrapped in diamonds. Her hair was a massive luxurious platinum blonde old hollywood styled curly wig flowing down one side in thick glamorous curls with a diamond encrusted tiara placed like a crown on top of it and matching chandelier earrings dripping from both ears. Her gown was a sheer off shoulder nude illusion masterpiece completely drenched in crystals and silver embroidery that clung to every curve of her body like starlight stitched into fabric itself, with the back dipping low and the entire skirt flowing into a dramatic glittering train that trailed behind her like a bridal veil made for war. On her feet were clear crystal pointed stilettos that sparkled under the lights like frozen glass.
Five bodyguards moved with her.
Three of them walked in front and on each side blocking artists, executives and random rich nobodies from getting to close while two more behind her carefully lifted and held the heavy glittering train of her gown from the floor as she made her way down the aisle. She was smiling politely and waving like royalty arriving to a ceremony she already owned.
The entire audience stood up clapping and cheering.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHH, WOOOOOOOO." Said the crowd loudly as camera flashes exploded all around her.
Garry stared for a moment and said into the microphone with wide eyes "Well speak of the expensive devil. Ladies and gentlemen, there she is. Late, legendary and dressed like the final boss of the music industry."
The audience laughed and clapped even louder.
I continued walking with a calm smile on my face, my bodyguards making room as artists leaned away and others stared with varying looks of admiration, jealousy and disbelief.
Garry walked slowly down the stage steps with one of the legend awards in his hands and said while looking at me approach "You know, most people when they arrive late to the grammys bring an apology. Crystal arrives and the whole academy gives her eleven trophies and a standing ovation. That's efficiency."
The audience burst into laughter.
I reached my table where mariah, berry and michael were seated.
Mariah had a huge smile on her face, michael was clapping warmly and berry had the tired look of a man who knew exactly how much all of this would cost him later.
Garry stepped off stage enough to meet me at the edge of the aisle and placed one heavy legend award carefully into my hand.
The audience clapped even harder.
Garry looked at the award in my hand, then at the other ten still on carts and said with a laugh "I just want to point out to everybody at home that this is the first time I've ever seen the academy hand somebody enough awards at once to need transportation assistance."
The audience howled with laughter.
I smiled and lifted my free hand in a graceful little wave while the cameras captured everything.
Garry shook his head and said with amused disbelief "She's smiling like this is normal. If I got eleven awards at once I'd pass out and sue somebody out of confusion."
The audience clapped again as I finally lowered myself into my seat, the two bodyguards arranging the crystal drenched train around the chair carefully before stepping back into position.
(Crystalline's POV)
I stared down at the one heavy legend award in my hand and then at the other ten on the carts and thought with a resting bitch face behind my smile "So after years of snubbing, ignoring, undercutting and acting like I didn't exist, these stingy bastards expect me to be impressed with eleven apology trophies and a nomination package"
I set the award carefully on the table beside my seat and crossed my legs while the audience still clapped and thought with a sigh "If they were actually trying to make up for all the disrespect, they could have at least made it twenty and came with a public written apology signed in blood"
Mariah leaned over slightly and whispered with bright eyes "Crystal, you got eleven"
"I can count." I said calmly with a smile.
Mariah blinked and let out a soft laugh.
Michael leaned closer and said warmly "You look beautiful and congratulations. They finally did something right."
Berry adjusted his throat and muttered underneath his breath "For once in their greedy little lives."
I picked up my champagne glass and took a small sip while glancing up at the stage and thinking "The academy sure is stingy. Eleven legend awards and four nominations after years of blindness. That's all"
Garry was still standing near the stage with a grin on his face and said into the microphone while pointing in my direction "Give it up one more time for crystalline alina knowles everybody. She came late, dressed like luxury itself and still somehow made the academy look like they were the ones behind schedule."
The audience clapped and cheered again.
I gave another small wave with a polite smile and thought with cold eyes "Clap all you want. I'll take the awards, the cameras, the nominations and the attention but tonight I'm not here for their approval. I'm here because they finally realized the room feels smaller when I'm not in it"
The grammy night had only just begun.
…
THE END…