AN: There are a lot of advanced chapters on my Patreon and Ko-Fi, you can read it all after subscribing to it ad stff, but I'll be editing and rewriting em a lot, so you do you, but the cool thing is, it's still the same scene or ideas, I'm just gonna edit and add a lot to it.
Ya'll can re-read it after I edit and rewrite it.
~~
ROBIN'S POV
So, here I am, standing on the literal rooftop of the world, Mount Freaking Everest, freezing my supernatural butt off. Let me tell you, it's not exactly how I pictured my honeymoon going. But no, the Volturi just had to ruin the vibe with their "urgent mission" nonsense. I swear, they're like overbearing uncles who can't let you enjoy a vacation without asking for help fixing their mess.
When I first got the call—yes, they can find me even at the peak of romance with Rosalie—I was about to tell them to shove it. But then they mentioned rogue vampires, three of them, leaving a Hansel-and-Gretel-level trail of bodies. And one of them was supposedly a redhead. That caught my attention. I immediately thought of Victoria, you know, the canon crazy ex who causes way too much drama in the future. I figured, why not nip it in the bud early? Also, maybe save Laurent for Irina's sake—if she's even interested in him here. The multiverse is messy, okay?
"Robin," Rosalie said, pulling me out of my inner grumbling. She looked ethereal even in a blizzard, her golden hair glowing under the moonlight. "Are you listening?"
"Hmm?" I pretended to pay attention, though my focus was mostly on how cute she looked wrapped in snow gear that she didn't even need. "Oh, totally. You were saying something about…snow?"
She rolled her eyes. "I said Alexander is grumbling again. Something about how we're treating him like a sidekick."
"Sidekick? That's generous," I muttered, earning a chuckle from Rosalie. I turned to Alexander, who was pacing nearby, his katana slung across his back like he was in some samurai drama. "Oi, Alexander! Quit pouting! You're not the main character in this Fanficion!"
Alexander shot me a glare. "I came all the way from Japan for this, and you treat me like a henchman."
"You're not a henchman. You're, uh…" I paused for dramatic effect. "An unpaid intern!" He really was just like a henchman at the moment, but I had enough tact not to admit that to the poor guy.
Alexander groaned loudly, muttering something about "modern disrespect" and "kids these days."
We found them near the summit, lurking like the world's most dramatic goths. They spotted us immediately, their red eyes practically glowing against the snow. I was ready for something epic, but honestly, they were just… underwhelming. Three basic vampires, all arrogance and no substance. And guess what? Not a single one of them was a redhead.
"Are you kidding me?" I muttered, glaring at the trio. "No redhead? Seriously? The Volturi's source must be colorblind. Or drunk. Or both."
I was really hoping to get the whole trio trouble from the movie over with at this point, who knew it would be this hard, even with all the resources. That redhead's skill is really troublesome.
One of the rogues, a tall guy with a permanent sneer, barked a laugh. "We're more than enough for you to handle. You don't need a redhead to finish you off."
"Oh, sweetie," I said, crossing my arms. "That's adorable. Do you rehearse these lines in front of a mirror, or do you just wing it?"
Rosalie snorted beside me, trying to hide her amusement. Alexander, meanwhile, looked like he was already over it. "Can we just get this over with? They're clearly not worth the altitude sickness."
Can vampires even get altitude sickness?
The rogues didn't take kindly to our lack of fear. The sneer guy snarled, "You'll regret underestimating us!"
I rolled my eyes so hard I think I saw the back of my skull. "Wow, original. Did you get that line from the 'Villain Cliché Handbook'? Let me guess, next you're going to call us 'pathetic fools' or something equally creative."
Maybe I should make a book of cliché lines, I could cross off stuff as I live my semi-eternal life with my loved ones. There's only so much entertainment one can have with so much time.
"Enough!" one of the others, a burly guy with the personality of a brick wall, roared. "We'll kill you all!"
"Oh no, he's mad," I said, mock gasping. "Quick, Rosalie, someone hurt his feelings. Should we get him a tissue?"
Rosalie grinned. "Or a blanket? It's chilly up here. Wouldn't want him to catch a cold."
They lunged at us, all fury and zero finesse. Honestly, it was embarrassing. Rosalie and I didn't even need to communicate verbally; we just slipped into our usual rhythm. I darted to the left, feinting toward the sneer guy, while Rosalie came in from the right, her movements sharp and precise.
Sneer Guy swung at me, but I ducked easily. "Missed me! C'mon, you've got to try harder than that. I'm not even warmed up yet."
Alexander, meanwhile, was handling Brick Wall. The rogue was strong but clumsy, and Alexander was practically dancing around him, his katana flashing in the dim light. "Is this really the best you've got?" Alexander taunted, slicing off one of the guy's arms like it was no big deal. "I came all the way from Japan for this?"
The third rogue, a wiry woman with a mean scowl, tried to sneak up on Rosalie. Bad move. Rosalie spun around and kicked her so hard she flew into a snowbank. "Nice try," Rosalie said, brushing imaginary dust off her kimono. "But you're going to have to do better than that."
"Yo mama jokes!" I shouted suddenly, just to throw them off. "Yo mama's so slow, she couldn't outrun a snail in a footrace!"
Rosalie stared at me, half amused, half exasperated. "Robin, what are you doing?"
Ok, that line was weak, hmmm...
"Keeping it spicy," I said with a grin, dodging another swing from Sneer Guy. "Yo mama's so dumb, she thought a quarterback was a refund!"
"Enough with the jokes!" Sneer Guy snapped, clearly frustrated. "Fight me properly!"
"Oh, sweet summer child," I said, delivering a swift punch to his gut. "This is me fighting properly. Also, that one was fire. Ok? As solid 7."
As the fight dragged on (mostly because we were toying with them), it became clear that the rogues were outmatched. We started ripping off limbs like we were unwrapping Christmas presents. Rosalie took out Scowl Woman's arms, while Alexander neatly decapitated Brick Wall. I finished off Sneer Guy by tearing off his legs and tossing them into a pile.
"Time for a bonfire," I said cheerfully, pulling out a lighter. Vampires can only truly die by fire, and I wasn't about to leave any loose ends. Rosalie helped me gather the dismembered parts, while Alexander stood guard, looking bored.
"Any last words?" I asked the pile of rogues, my voice dripping with fake sympathy.
Sneer Guy glared at me, his head the only part of him still intact. "You… you'll regret this…"
"Blah, blah, blah," I said, rolling my eyes. "You're not even good at dying dramatically. What a disappointment. What did I expect from a 3rd rate side character thug?"
Rosalie lit the fire, and we watched as the rogues turned to ash, their screams fading into the cold wind.
"That was… anticlimactic," Alexander said, sheathing his katana. "I expected more of a challenge."
"Same," I said, brushing snow off my jacket. "But hey, at least we got to stretch our legs. And now I have a new complaint to file with the Volturi. 'Dear Aro, please fire whoever reports your intel because they're clearly incompetent.'"
Rosalie laughed, looping her arm through mine. "Let's head back. I want a warm bath and maybe some snuggles."
"Snuggles? After that fight?" I teased. "Rosie, you're such a romantic."
"Only for you," she said, kissing my cheek.
As we started our descent, Alexander muttered something about us being nauseating. I ignored him. After all, I had more important things to focus on—like planning how to make the Volturi pay for dragging us into this mess. Maybe I'd send them a strongly worded letter. Or a glitter bomb. Decisions, decisions.
As we made our way down Mount Everest, the smell of burning vampire still lingered in the air. Honestly, not the worst smell I've encountered, but not great either. Kind of like burnt marshmallows, if the marshmallows were made of leather.
"I still can't believe the redhead thing was a lie," I grumbled, kicking a chunk of ice down the slope.
'Do you know how excited I was? I thought I was saving us years of future drama, and instead, we got… that.' I thought to myself.
"You mean the wannabe villains?" Rosalie asked, her golden eyes sparkling with amusement. "They were pathetic."
"They were beyond pathetic," Alexander chimed in, his tone dripping with disdain. "And the fact that I flew halfway across the world for this—"
"Oh, shut up, Alex," I interrupted. "You loved it. I saw that little gleam in your eye when you chopped off that guy's arm."
"That's called efficiency," he said, looking offended. "Not enjoyment."
"Right," I said, smirking. "And I'm a delicate flower."
Rosalie snorted. "Delicate is not the word I'd use to describe you."
"Hey, I can be delicate," I protested. "Remember that time I picked up that baby bird and put it back in its nest?"
Rosalie raised an eyebrow. "You broke the tree branch it was sitting on."
"Details," I said, waving her off. "The point is, I'm versatile."
Alexander groaned. "Can we focus? I'm trying to forget that we just fought what might be the most embarrassing rogues in vampire history."
"Right? I mean, the Volturi really dropped the ball on this one," I said. "Next time, they better send me some actual threats. Like, I don't know, a group of rogue ninja vampires with laser eyes. Something cool."
"I don't think laser eyes are a thing," Rosalie said, smiling.
"Not yet," I replied. "But give it a few centuries. Science is wild."
We finally reached a flatter area where we could pause and catch our breath—not that any of us really needed it, being vampires and all. Alexander sat on a rock, cleaning his katana like it was a sacred ritual. Rosalie and I leaned against each other, enjoying the quiet for a moment.
"So," Rosalie said, her voice soft, "do you think Aro will be upset we killed them so… thoroughly?"
"Nah," I said, shrugging. "They were breaking the rules. He's all about keeping things hush-hush. He'll probably thank us and then immediately ask for another favor."
"I hate that he thinks he can just call on us whenever," Rosalie muttered, her lips pressing into a thin line.
"Yeah, well, he knows we're good at what we do," I said. "And by 'we,' I mean 'me.'"
Rosalie playfully smacked my arm. "Excuse me? Who just kicked that rogue into a snowbank like a soccer ball?"
"That was hot, by the way," I said, grinning. "You've got skills, Rosie. Remind me to reward you later."
Alexander made a gagging sound. "Must you two always flirt? It's unbearable."
"Jealous?" I asked, smirking at him. "Don't worry, Alex. Maybe one day you'll find someone who can tolerate you."
"Unlikely," he muttered.
The descent took a few more hours, and by the time we reached the base of the mountain, I was ready to file this whole experience under "Things I Never Want to Do Again." Don't get me wrong—I love a good fight. But the lack of redheads and the sheer mediocrity of the rogues had really put a damper on things.
"I'm writing Aro a letter," I announced as we walked toward a small cabin we'd rented. "Dear Aro, your intel sucks. Please fire whoever told you there was a redhead because they clearly can't see colors. Sincerely, your favorite hybrid."
"Maybe include a drawing of the rogues," Rosalie suggested. "With a note that says, 'Next time, send better villains.'"
"Brilliant," I said. "And maybe I'll throw in a stick figure of myself kicking their butts for good measure."
Alexander sighed heavily. "You two are impossible."
"No, we're awesome," I corrected. "There's a difference."
Relax, it's a joke, I'm not really writing that letter. We have too much planned in the down low, we can't screw with them yet.
~~
When we reached the cabin, I immediately collapsed onto the couch, sprawling out dramatically. "I'm dead," I declared. "Burn me like those rogues. I'm done."
Rosalie rolled her eyes but leaned down to kiss my forehead. "Drama queen."
"Your drama queen," I said, grinning up at her.
"Unfortunately," she teased.
Alexander stood awkwardly in the corner, clearly unsure what to do with himself. "Do you mind if I leave now? I've had enough of your… antics for one lifetime."
"Sure thing, Alex," I said, waving him off. "Go back to Japan and brood or whatever it is you do."
We didn't actually need him here, but just to be on the safe side, I did. If the rogues ended up to be Victoria's group, his presence would be a big help, not like I believed that their group could beat me and Rosie together, but I don't want to take chances, because the worlds will or whatever, some stories have that, where the world protects some characters till they fulfill their role in the story, luckily enough I have not encountered such interference or 'Correction' from so called world's will if there was any, but looking back at my previous actions, I really have not interfered much on canon events.
Ok, one could argue that me being Rosie's mate now is a major change, but guuuuuuys. We've already established that this was an AU. I did not have anything to do with that; we even had that frustrating love story of ours, where I was constantly trying to get away or let go of Rosalie because of the whole canon thing.
But as you've already witnessed, we were meant for each other. OK?
The oldest chunni muttered something under his breath but left without further comment. As soon as he was gone, Rosalie sat down beside me, her hand finding mine.
"So," she said, her voice soft, "what's next for us?"
I thought about it for a moment. "Well, we could continue our honeymoon. Maybe hit up Paris. Or, hear me out, we crash the Volturi's next big meeting and demand compensation for services rendered."
Rosalie laughed. "As tempting as that sounds, I think Paris might be the better choice."
"Fine," I said, pretending to pout. "But only because I love you."
"And I love you," she said, leaning in to kiss me.
As our lips met, I realized something important...
Fuck
When was Bella born?
~~
AN: Hello people, I know, it has been a while, and yes, this B*tt hole of an author has been neglectful, and shameful for a very long time. But I am back, for good and real this time.
I would share what has happened or what I've been up to all this time, but that would take a lotta words, and I'm not sure anyone would want that here, but you could do so in our discord/patreon/kofi. I'll post the links at the end.
For those who are new, and for those who still keep the story in their library(probably just forgot it there. :P), for those who still send power stones, and occasionally comment(especially the ones who don't diss me), I LOVE YOU ALL!!!
Guess what, I got a laptop(a potato one, but still, yah know), and I'm in a stable enough environment to continue writing, so expect updates more frequently.
Anywho, for those who want to send some support, be a patron on KoFi member, links are bellow, for the discord, you can comment
that you wanna join, and I or some of the friends we already have there will send you the link. Were all harmless! 😶😌
https://ko-fi.com/emphie
https://www.patreon.com/emphie