CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED AND FOUR: THINGS LEFT UNSAID
For the next few days, I tried not to worry.
I told myself that Samuel was simply going through a phase.
Maybe he was tired.
Maybe school was becoming more demanding.
Maybe he had too many things on his mind.
There were plenty of reasonable explanations.
I just had to stop searching for a problem where there wasn't one.
So I tried.
I really did.
On Wednesday morning, I got to class early.
Samuel wasn't there.
I sat down and brought out my books.
Around ten minutes later, he walked in with two of his friends.
He saw me immediately.
"Morning."
"Morning."
He dropped his books on the desk.
"You came early."
"Yes."
He nodded.
Then he began arranging his things.
I watched him for a moment.
"You're okay?"
He looked at me.
"Yeah."
I nodded.
I wanted to ask more.
I didn't.
Instead, I opened my notebook.
The bell rang shortly afterwards.
Our first lesson was English Language.
Our teacher gave us an exercise on comprehension and instructed everyone to work independently.
I bent over my paper.
After a few minutes, I felt something touch my elbow.
I looked at Samuel.
He had pushed his ruler towards me.
I stared at him.
"What?"
"Nothing."
"You just touched me with your ruler."
"I know."
"Why?"
He smiled.
"Because I wanted you to look at me."
I laughed quietly.
"So childish."
"Maybe."
For the first time in days, his smile looked genuine.
I smiled too.
Maybe things really were fine.
That was what I wanted to believe.
During break, Samuel and I remained in class.
He told me about something funny one of the boys had done during their previous lesson.
I laughed until my stomach hurt.
For those few minutes, it felt like the old Samuel had returned.
The Samuel who could make me forget whatever had been bothering me.
The Samuel who had been my seat partner for years before he became my boyfriend.
The Samuel I knew.
When the bell rang for the end of break, he looked at me.
"You're happier now."
"I am."
"Why?"
"Because you're talking to me."
He stared at me.
"I've been talking to you."
"Not properly."
He smiled.
"Sorry."
I shrugged.
"It's okay."
He was quiet for a moment.
Then he said, "I'll try."
Those two words meant more to me than he probably realised.
That afternoon, things changed again.
During our final lesson, Samuel received a message from one of the prefects asking him to report somewhere after class.
He read it and sighed.
"What happened?" I asked.
"I have to go somewhere after class."
"Where?"
"I'm not sure yet."
"Okay."
He looked at me.
"I'll see you later."
I nodded.
"Okay."
The bell rang.
Everyone began packing.
Samuel left.
I watched him disappear through the doorway.
I waited.
I don't know why.
Perhaps I expected him to come back.
Perhaps I wanted him to.
But he didn't.
I eventually left with Victoria and Morayo.
As we walked towards the hostel, Morayo noticed my silence.
"Floral."
"Hm?"
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"You've said that three times this week."
I laughed.
"Maybe nothing is actually wrong."
Victoria looked at me.
"Maybe."
We continued walking.
Then Morayo said something that made me stop.
"Do you trust Samuel?"
I stared at her.
"Yes."
She nodded.
"Then don't torture yourself."
I frowned.
"What do you mean?"
"You've been watching him too much."
I looked away.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"You do."
Victoria smiled.
"You're looking for signs."
"What signs?"
"That something is wrong."
I sighed.
"Maybe something is."
Morayo shook her head.
"Or maybe you're just scared because you really like him."
I looked at her.
She shrugged.
"When you care about someone, you notice everything."
Her words stayed with me.
Maybe that was exactly what was happening.
Maybe I was noticing everything because Samuel mattered to me.
By the time we reached the hostel, I had decided to relax.
I would not question him.
I would not overanalyse his behaviour.
I would simply let things happen.
That evening, after prep, I was returning to the hostel when I saw Samuel standing near the walkway.
He was alone.
I smiled.
"You waited?"
He nodded.
"I wanted to see you."
My heart lifted.
"You could have told me."
"I know."
We walked together.
"What happened earlier?" I asked.
He hesitated.
"I had to help one of the senior prefects with something."
"Oh."
"That was all."
I nodded.
"I thought maybe you were avoiding me."
He stopped walking.
"Why would I avoid you?"
"I don't know."
He looked at me seriously.
"Floral, I'm not avoiding you."
"Okay."
"I promise."
I smiled.
"Okay."
He reached for my hand.
We walked for a little while before separating to return to our different hostels.
It was a small moment.
But it reassured me.
Maybe everything really was fine.
The following morning, however, something happened that reminded me how easily misunderstandings could begin.
I arrived in class and found Samuel talking to a girl from another class.
She was standing beside our doorway.
I recognised her.
Her name was Abigail.
She was one of the students who often came to our class because she had friends there.
I didn't think anything of it.
At least, not immediately.
I walked past them and sat down.
A few minutes later, Samuel joined me.
"Morning."
"Morning."
"What happened?"
"Nothing."
He looked at me.
"You're doing it again."
"Doing what?"
"Being quiet."
I smiled.
"I'm fine."
He studied me.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
He nodded.
I opened my book.
I wanted to ask who Abigail was.
I wanted to know why she had been speaking to him.
But I stopped myself.
There was no reason to be suspicious.
So I said nothing.
Later that morning, I overheard two girls talking behind me.
"Did you see Samuel and Abigail?"
"Yes."
"They were talking for a long time."
I kept writing.
"Maybe she likes him."
The other girl laughed.
"Maybe."
My pen stopped.
I stared at my notebook.
I knew I shouldn't listen.
But once you heard something, you couldn't always unhear it.
I turned around.
The girls immediately stopped talking.
One of them smiled awkwardly.
"Nothing."
I faced forward again.
My heart was beating faster.
I hated rumours.
I hated them because they had caused problems before.
And now that Samuel and I were together, I had promised myself that I wouldn't allow other people's words to control my relationship.
So I decided to ask him.
After the lesson, I turned towards him.
"Samuel?"
"Yes?"
"Who is Abigail?"
He looked confused.
"Abigail?"
"The girl you were talking to this morning."
"Oh."
He shrugged.
"She needed help with something."
"With what?"
He looked at me.
"Why?"
I hesitated.
"Nothing. I was just asking."
He nodded.
"She wanted to ask about an assignment."
"Oh."
I looked down.
"Okay."
He studied me.
"Why are you asking?"
"I heard people talking."
"What did they say?"
"Nothing important."
"Floral."
I sighed.
"They said you two were talking for a long time."
He shook his head.
"So?"
I looked at him.
"So nothing."
He sighed.
"You believe them?"
"No."
"Then why are you asking?"
I didn't answer.
Samuel leaned back.
"It's just Abigail."
"I know."
"Then don't worry."
"I said I wasn't worried."
He looked at me.
"You are."
I felt irritated.
"Maybe because you keep acting as though I'm doing something wrong by asking."
"I didn't say that."
"You didn't have to."
He became quiet.
I immediately regretted my words.
"Samuel…"
"It's fine."
"No, I didn't mean—"
"I said it's fine."
He turned towards the board.
I stared at him.
The conversation was over.
But the feeling wasn't.
That was the problem.
We were beginning to do something dangerous.
We were leaving things unsaid.
Instead of explaining ourselves properly, we were becoming defensive.
Instead of asking calmly, we were assuming.
Instead of saying what hurt, we were pretending it didn't.
And every time we did that, the distance between us seemed to grow a little wider.
At lunch, Samuel was quiet again.
I was quiet too.
Daniel noticed.
He approached me after class.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes."
He looked at me.
"You're sure?"
I nodded.
"Just tired."
He didn't push.
"Okay."
He walked away.
I watched him go.
There was something comforting about the fact that Daniel never forced me to explain myself.
He simply asked.
And if I didn't want to talk, he respected it.
I quickly pushed the thought away.
Samuel was my boyfriend.
Daniel was my friend.
I knew the difference.
At least, I thought I did.
That evening, Samuel and I barely spoke.
Neither of us wanted to start another argument.
Neither of us wanted to admit that we were hurt.
So we simply stayed quiet.
The silence followed us through the next day.
And the next.
Eventually, we started speaking again.
But something had changed.
The ease was gone.
The little jokes became less frequent.
The notes became shorter.
The conversations ended quicker.
Neither of us had done anything terrible.
There was no betrayal.
No dramatic fight.
No obvious reason for everything to feel different.
Just little things.
A question taken the wrong way.
A comment misunderstood.
A rumour overheard.
A feeling swallowed instead of spoken.
And perhaps the most dangerous thing was that both of us thought we were protecting the relationship by avoiding conflict.
We didn't realise that silence could also cause damage.
One evening, while I sat on my bunk in the hostel, Gift looked up from below.
"You and Samuel fought?"
I shook my head.
"No."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
She stared at me.
"You look like you did."
I smiled weakly.
"We didn't fight."
She nodded slowly.
"Sometimes not fighting doesn't mean everything is okay."
I looked at her.
She returned to folding her clothes.
I didn't respond.
Because somehow, she had said exactly what I had been afraid to admit.
Samuel and I weren't fighting.
But we weren't completely okay either.
And I had a feeling that if we continued pretending everything was fine, one day we might wake up and realise that we had become strangers sitting beside each other.