BLAZE.
She didn't answer. She looked at me with a single, unambiguous demand burning ablaze in her eyes: sing.
I cleared my throat, and sang.
"Twinkle, twinkle, little star~How I wonder what you are~Up above the world so high~Like a diamond in the sky~
Twinkle, twinkle, little star~How I wonder what you are~When the blazing sun is gone~When he nothing shines upon~Then you show your little light~Twinkle, twinkle, all the night~
Twinkle, twinkle, little star~How I wonder what you are~"
I pulled her into my arms when I finished, and then released her, leaning back with what I felt was a well-earned expression of satisfaction.
"Well? Did Dad surprise you, hm~?"
Lumi stared at me with the blankest face I had ever seen on another human being. Not a flicker. Not a twitch. A flatness so complete it was almost architectural.
"Dumpling? Y-you didn't like it?"
She was an iceberg. My heart was the Titanic. I began the long, graceless process of sinking.
Then she spoke.
"I'm not a baby, Dad. You sang me a lullaby."
She was already smiling over her shoulder by the time I dropped my gaze to my own lap. The glimmer in her eyes was unmistakable: she was pleased with herself. Deeply, privately pleased.
Something about that look short-circuited whatever dignity I had left. I giggled. A full, helpless, poorly-restrained giggle, the kind that belongs to someone much younger and less world-weary than I was.
"That's exactly why I sang it," I said, lifting her into the air. "I wasn't there when you were a baby. I have so many firsts to catch up on."
Lumi stiffened, not visibly—but I felt it, the sudden stillness moving through her. I was still riding the giddiness and nearly missed it entirely.
"E-eh? Did I say something wrong?"
No answer. And her expression had gone somewhere I couldn't immediately read. I moved to enter the connection between us and find out, and she erupted.
N-no, Dad! Put me down! We can't do that!
She buried her face in both hands and began twisting with such conviction that I set her down on the sofa immediately. The burst of emotion coming through our connection was a complete tangle. I couldn't pull a single thread from the knot.
I went in anyway.
My eyes went wide. For a long moment I stayed very still, the appropriate response assembling itself slowly.
Then I flicked her on the forehead.
"What is a little girl doing, thinking about that? You're making Dad look like a criminal."
The silence that followed had a particular texture. Dense. Warm with embarrassment on both sides.
Somehow, somehow, Lumi had taken my remark about firsts and followed it—via my own memories, no less—somewhere it had no business going.
Ah! The euphemisms only made the awkward, shameful, and uncomfortable situation worst. I knew had to do something to kill it.
I knelt in front of her and rested my palm on her bowed head. "Dumpling. Where did you learn that?"
"F-from your memories," she whispered through her fingers. "I don't know why I keep thinking about it."
I stayed quiet for a moment, considering.
It was normal. Of course it was. A child encountering a whole world of things she had no framework for, tumbling through a mind full of context she wasn't ready to sort. If I tried to explain it all at once, I would only overwhelm her, or even possibly traumatize her further. She had already had more than her share of that.
She could read my mind. She would encounter the world in her own time, and she would come to me when she needed to. That was enough.
What mattered right now was that she felt safe.
"It's alright, dumpling. You can keep thinking about it. Don't be shy with Dad. It's a normal process about discovering yourself." I inhaled. "And like how you're learning more about yourself, Dad wants to let you know he will never hurt you. Okay? I will never do anything that will make you uncomfortable."
A pause.
"...But you tease me so much," she said, parting her fingers enough that I could see the exasperation in her eyes.
My chest loosened. She's alright. The message had reached her.
I leaned forward and pulled her into me, pressing my face against her neck.
"You love it. Don't pretend otherwise. You love the teasing and the hugs and you know I know you do. Come here!"
"D-dad—!"
"You can try to hide it all you want, but I know you like playing jokes and my hugs. So come closer. There, there."
I settled her onto my lap. She didn't resist this time. I held her until her breathing slowed and her heart came back to its normal rhythm and the blush faded from her thoughts.
Then I opened my mouth again.
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine~You make me happy when skies are grey~You'll never know dear, how much I love you~Please don't take my sunshine away~
The other night dear, as I lay sleeping~I dreamed I held you in my arms~When I awoke, dear, I was mistaken~And I hung my head and cried~
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine~You make me happy when skies are grey~You'll never know dear, how much I love you~Please don't take my sunshine away~
I'll always love you and make you happy~If you will only say the same~But if you leave me and love another,~You'll regret it all someday..."
By the third chorus, her eyes had drifted shut. I found her hands anyway, lacing my fingers through hers.
"Come on, dumpling. We were singing, weren't we?"