Tw: Self-harm attempt, Idealization. trauma.
Liss lazily stood up and glanced around, turning back in the direction she assumed she came from, and tried to be as quiet as a mouse. The plan was simple; aware of how much she ran, she expected to see the city in no time.
With light steps, Liss followed the direction she assumed would take her back to the city, committing to her path of return. But gradually, faith faltered, realizing that the vegetation surrounding her covered everything until no ray of light passed through the leaves.
Liss admitted that she was truly lost, and there was nothing she could do. Defeated, she slumped down, sitting on another tree root, all alone her mind returned to trace back everything that had happened.
Up until now, all she did was struggle to survive, trying to adapt in a place where none of the tactics she learned back on Earth would work, facing every hurdle with patience and reason while being kind. She dismissed the disrespect, overlooked their lustful touches, and ignored all insults and abuses, thinking that it would all work out in the end.
Sitting alone in a dense forest, ruminating on everything... in retrospect, Liss was disgusted. She was a girl with dignity and grace, and instead of honor, she held on to her pride.
Back on earth, back to her double life, where under the light Liss was a reckless heiress, but in the shadows she was her mother's slave. Liss believed that she hadn't been swayed, that she was the same, that she was really strong and not just a byproduct of her mother's brainwashing.
Forbid, forgive, forget.
The moment she recalled those three words, a terrible, painful pressure weighed on her head while ringing in her ears.
'What can I do?'
Disoriented by the terrible headache and the ringing in her ears, the alien's body folded. Once sitting on the bulging curve of the tree root, now her lithe body crouched forward, her delicate fingers roughly pulling handfuls of golden threads that pooled on the ground and shielded her from the outside world.
The long forgotten memory of the day her father had left flashed in her mind's eye, the day her soul died.
The moment Liss recalled arriving from her graduation ceremony, withstanding the venomous words, eyes full of resentment, hate, envy... the moment she thought she could finally breathe, her haven was reduced to a congratulatory, parting letter. Fighting the pain that choked her, Liss lifted her head abruptly, her long hair tangled on branches as she steadied her footing. From underneath, trembling, her hand gripped the tree's irregular bark, her nails digging painfully, trying to breathe.
'Fuck'
Everything seemed to spin, making Liss grip harder, trying to ground herself.
Flashes of a particularly painful memory, a hysterical episode of her mother during the process of building the portal. Unable to attach the cords from one end to the other, her mother dragged her young daughter and shoved the small girl inside the metallic structure. As the elder yelled ferociously, the scared little girl felt her tender skin being painfully stabbed with every movement.
Young Liss cried, screaming for her father to save her. When she finally did as her mother wanted, crawling out, the first thing she saw was her father's pained expression.
'Am I even a person?'
The realization finally came; she wasn't acting that way for survival; that's who she is. Nothing.
Liss had never been loved. Up until now, she had always been her mother's puppet.
Void, hollow, and dark. No emotions, no needs, no attributes.
Her face remained calm, her features displaying a serene and blank expression, yet her eyes welled up with tears that cascaded down her cheeks and drenched her face down to her neck in a relentless flow.
She stood up, and even though she couldn't see ahead, her legs moved forward, walking aimlessly. She tripped on roots, and branches scraped her skin, but she kept going. Liss wandered until she reached a river.
"Ha... haha.. hahaha." When she inevitably stopped because the river blocked her path, a weak and bitter laugh left her lips when she shut her eyes, pressing them close to rid of the tears that clouded her vision, making them fall heavily down her cheeks.
"I guess." Her voice quivered with sorrow, barely audible. "I wanted to be loved more than I wanted to be alive."