"Asil, please die."
These were the last words Asil Nara Ashelot heard in her very first life.
Her own mother, the former Empress, leaned over her child's body with an expression of squeamish delight on her face. Her fingers clenched the thin neck with furious zeal. At the very moment when Asil's lungs were scorched with fire and black spots danced before her eyes, a foreign voice sounded in her head for the first time.
Cold, mocking, alien.
"Will you really just leave it like that? Allow this woman to kill you?"
Asil did not know where it came from. But she immediately understood the main thing: this voice was only in her head. Her mother did not flinch, did not recoil, heard nothing. She continued to strangle her, whispering curses.
In the last moments before death, when the world compressed to a single pulsating point, Asil found the strength to answer.
What can I do? the thought came out weak, like a death rattle.
"Kill her," the voice sounded merciless, even bored.
I can't... She is my mother.
Silence. And then — laughter.
"Your mother?" the voice chuckled right into her temple. "And what difference does that make? Right now, at this very second, your mother is trying to kill you. And you speak to me of the sanctity of blood ties?"
...I can't.
"Ah, what a stupid and naive creature you are," the voice exhaled almost with regret. "It seems you are one of those who don't get it the first time. Well... We will have many more chances. You will understand everything."
Asil did not understand what he meant then. She only let out a last sob — and died. At the hands of her own mother. Thus ended her very first, naive life.
But, as the voice had promised, it was not the end.
Asil opened her eyes again in the same body. And lived another unhappy life. And then another. And another. And another.
Until, finally, as the voice had said, she understood.
The seventh life became a turning point.
When the former Empress attacked her again, Asil was no longer a willless rag doll. She did not cry. Did not beg. She fought back.
Of course, being a child, she could not physically overpower an adult woman. She could not hit her with the same force, could not strangle her in return. Instead, she chose something else.
When her mother's fingers closed around her throat, Asil suddenly twisted like a mad hound and sank her teeth directly into her mother's throat.
Blood gushed in a hot wave. Her mother choked, thrashed, and after a few seconds went limp. Asil sat beside her for a long time, staring into her glazed eyes.
But the most terrible thing did not happen then. Not from killing her own mother.
The most terrible thing happened at the moment when she mechanically licked her lips.
The taste of blood was like honey. Sweet, thick, intoxicating. Asil closed her eyes and remembered this feeling forever. After that, she could no longer be the same.
But the murder of her mother turned out to be only the first step on an endless staircase of falls. Too many sought to get rid of the cursed child. The Emperor, the nobility, the servants, even random mercenaries — they all believed that Asil should not live.
She was tortured. Poisoned. Burned. Drowned. Executed. She died by the knife, by poison, by the rope, by her own stupidity and by others' cruelty. Life after life. Pain after pain.
No fewer than a hundred deaths passed before Asil finally managed to live to at least twelve years old.
And all this time, the voice in her head was there.
Many times Asil asked: who was he? A demon? A god? A curse? Her true essence?
The voice just chuckled and called himself her "guardian." But after several hundred lives, she discovered the truth herself. However, by then it no longer mattered.
And so, when in one life she finally managed to live to twelve years old, Asil learned the news: she was being sent from the palace to the north to be married off. Like an unwanted object. Like a political tool.
She didn't care about this. Almost didn't care.
But when she first saw her bride, something inside her wavered.
It was the day of departure.
A girl with dark hair the color of a deep night sky. With amethyst eyes that looked frightened and confused.
Remesis Carter.
Her lawful wife.
Asil thought then: She... is beautiful. And next — unexpectedly, almost childishly naive — a thought flashed: Will I finally have a family now?
For the first time in many dozens of lives, she felt something resembling hope. It seemed to her that this girl was her chance. Her anchor. Her something real.
Love at first sight? Perhaps. Asil did not know that word. But she knew for certain that a strange, aching warmth spread inside her.
It was a pity only that Remesis did not feel the same way. She had a pale, frightened face. She clutched the hem of her dress and looked at Asil like a beast. But Asil, blinded by her enthusiasm, did not even notice this.
For the first time in hundreds of lives, it seemed to her that some meaning had appeared in this meaningless existence.
But these thoughts did not stay with her for long.
As soon as they arrived in the north, the caravan was attacked by mercenaries sent by the Emperor. Screams, iron, blood. And Remesis abandoned her.
She simply turned around and ran away, saving her own life. She did not even look back.
Asil stood in the midst of the battle and watched the top of her head recede. Only one thing rang in her mind:
But didn't the priest say? she thought with childish, absurd bewilderment. 'Together in sickness and in health. Until death do us part.' And now... she betrayed me? So easily?
The mercenaries caught up with her. Asil fell onto the snow-covered ground, and the cold snow began to turn crimson.
She died, staring at the white snowy sky.
After this, dozens of new attempts followed. In some lives, Asil died alone. In others, they died together. But one thing remained unchanged: Remesis Carter always abandoned her. Always ran away. Always chose herself.
Unless, of course, she died herself.
Life after life. Betrayal after betrayal.
And finally, when another attempt ended in another death, Asil lay again on the snow in a pool of her own blood. Remesis, of course, had already fled.
All this time, Asil had fought the voice in her head. She refused to believe that the world was so cruel. That people were so insignificant. That her wife was just a coward who would never stay by her side.
But now...
Asil stopped fighting.
She lay on the snow, and a meaningless, mad smile slowly blossomed on her lips. Her eyes became empty, like the winter sky.
"...You were right," she whispered with just her lips. "I finally understand."
It was at that moment that Asil Nara Ashelot ceased to be human.
She went mad. Completely and irrevocably.