But every night when she came home, she had a habit of writing in her diary.
She wrote about what she did that day and her longing for Little Jingshi.
Assuming Little Jingshi hadn't left, she would talk to him in her diary.
She would go crazy buying beautiful children's clothes whenever she encountered them.
At that time, she was mentally troubled, suffering from depression and mild delusions.
She believed that even though her child wasn't physically present, he was there in spirit.
Every day, she would express her breast milk and store it in the refrigerator. She estimated the monthly usage for a baby, just as if there was a baby at home, buying monthly supplies of formula and clothes for each season and age.
Even though her son couldn't wear them or drink the milk.
She would throw away the breast milk expressed each day the next day and store new milk in the refrigerator.
The formula bought each month would also be discarded, as if it had already been consumed, and then new formula would be purchased.
She would estimate the child's growth rate and buy larger clothes sizes accordingly.
Until she was picked up by Ming Yuqian and taken home, she saw a psychiatrist and took medication.
She still kept that habit, but her family didn't allow it, always thinking it was because she was still sick.
So, she could only do it secretly, no longer daring to buy as recklessly as before.
Quietly, estimating by age changes, estimating height, buying one or two new clothes each time, and hiding them.
But the estimated size and her actual size were definitely different.
Until last night, she had the chance to take Little Jingshi with her and let him try on clothes himself.
If Little Jingshi didn't have to grow taller, Ming Yutong really wanted to buy all his clothes for his life last night.
She flipped through the diary to the last page, picked up the pen, and wrote down today's date.
On a new line, she wrote:
I found my son, a wish of many years finally realized.
Last night, I took him shopping for clothes and daily necessities, as if we were living together.
But it's a shame I forgot to buy him toys. Boys like toys. I'll look online in a bit to see what toys boys usually play with and which brands are better.
This morning, I made breakfast for Jingshi, but he didn't have time to eat before leaving. I don't know when I'll have another chance to cook for Jingshi, no matter which meal it is.
I finally got the chance, but I couldn't seize it.
I cried while eating.
I seem to cry a lot lately, very weak, not strong enough.
I hate myself like this, but I can't help it.
I ate all of those, leaving only the portion prepared for Jingshi.
With a ridiculous thought, I feel that as long as Jingshi's plate and the breakfast in the plate are there, I can wait for him to come back, as if Jingshi hadn't left and would come over to eat at any time.
But by the end of the meal, I was so full that I vomited everything up, and Jingshi didn't come back either.
I poured out all those things.
Last night, Jingshi asked me why I separated from my son.
I told him, but I was so afraid to tell him that I was his mother.
If I don't say it, I still have a chance to be with him.
If I do say it, I won't even have that last chance, right?
So, I've been keeping it a secret.
There's something I've held back for seven years. Even if Jingshi were standing right in front of me, I wouldn't dare to say it.
Jingshi, Mom loves you more than life.
A tear fell on the paper as Ming Yutong put down her pen and closed the diary.
Just as she put it away, she received a call from home.
It was from her mother, Zhu Cailin.
Ming Yutong sniffed, took two deep breaths to calm herself, and then answered the phone, "Mom."
"Yutong, come back to Yu Garden tomorrow. Your uncle and aunt are taking Siling back too," Zhu Cailin said.
Yu Garden was where the Ming family elders lived.
"Okay," Ming Yutong agreed.
After hanging up, Ming Yutong frowned slightly.
She helped her uncle and aunt bring Meng Siling back and renamed her Ming Siling. She was happy to finally fulfill her uncle and aunt's long-standing wish.
But as for Ming Siling herself, Ming Yutong couldn't bring herself to like her.
At first, when Ming Siling first entered the Ming family, she was timid, smiled faintly, and looked like a little rabbit.
Ming Yutong could understand.
After enduring so much hardship, suddenly being told about her true origins would definitely be hard to adapt to.
Being brought back, facing family members who were complete strangers, facing parents she didn't recognize at all.
It's natural to worry, be nervous, be afraid, be confused.
Ming Yutong understood that very well.
So during the initial period when Ming Siling returned to the Ming family, Ming Yutong was very caring towards her.
But gradually, Ming Yutong began to notice that something was wrong.
After all, Ming Yutong was Ming Yutong. When it came to Fu Yinxiu and Little Jingshi, she was fragile.
But only when it came to these two people did she show the fragility of a weak woman.
In other matters, she had always been rational and strong.
How could Ming Siling's little tricks possibly escape her eyes?
She saw that Ming Siling wasn't really as innocent as she pretended to be. She was just used to acting innocent, acting like a delicate flower, attaching herself to others, using more powerful people to seek benefits for herself.
Deep down, Ming Siling was selfish and had dark secrets.
In the fleeting glances Ming Siling occasionally showed, Ming Yutong clearly saw it.
Even if there were initially many discomforts and uncertainties, they should fade with time.