Tsunade was not happy. She had not been happy for a long time, and she felt she would never be happy again. The closest she could aspire to was peace of mind, but even that was difficult for her to achieve these days.
She had suffered devastating losses, both emotionally and financially.
She had made mistakes she never even spoke about with Shizune or anyone else involved.
Her only comfort was alcohol (the strong kind), and the fact that, as the last surviving Senju, she possessed such a vast fortune that it didn't matter how much she lost gambling. She only needed to sign one or two checks a year to wipe everything clean and continue with her life.
She spent years in a spiral of self-criticism, guilt, and sadness.
Then came the news that Suna had attacked Konoha during the Chunin Exams.
And her reaction?
"The old man is still alive, it's none of my business."
Days passed, and when she went to a loan house because she didn't want to return to the village to withdraw money, they told her she had already borrowed a considerable sum.
But she was certain it was her first time going to that loan house.
She went to another one—and was told the same thing.
They even tried to make her repay a loan she had never requested!
"No, I have to investigate this!"
She and Shizune went from city to city, visiting different places famous for their casinos, and the situation became clear within days.
Whoever the culprit was, they hadn't bothered to hide their actions at all.
Someone had the audacity to take out an enormous number of loans under the name of the Senju clan.
In other words, at her expense.
Just seeing the numbers and the accepted interest rates made Tsunade feel dizzy.
"How did they even get such a perfect imitation of the clan seal?!"
Just when she was thinking about how to stop the impostor and restore her reputation, she learned of Jiraiya's death.
Heh… it was strange, but upon hearing that her former teammate had died… she felt nothing. She simply raised her glass silently toward the sky for a couple of seconds and kept drinking.
"It was going to happen sooner or later," Tsunade thought, without even bothering to learn the circumstances of his death. "Ninjas like us rarely get to retire."
Before she could fall back into her routine, she found herself caught up in a very annoying problem.
The old man had collapsed, and although Tsunade reluctantly returned to Konoha to examine him—and recover some money from the clan estate in passing after treating him—whatever had happened, the Third Hokage's body was in the condition one would expect for a ninja of his age.
Lingering damage, scars, bone pain, severely damaged lungs, exhausted kidneys, arthritis…
Years of tobacco and the use of the crystal ball had only worsened his condition.
In any case, the reason for his unconsciousness was not physical or neurological, and she could not find a safe way to wake him. Having done her job, she was about to leave the hospital and visit her home when she was blocked by Konoha's "high officials" in a secluded place away from curious eyes.
"Tsunade, you must take the hat and become Hokage," they told her, the Hokage hat already placed in front of her. "Konoha cannot afford to be without a leader, and we don't know when Hiruzen will wake up!"
"Not a chance!" she left them behind without even looking at them, punching through a wall to leave without hesitation.
…
Twenty minutes later, a shout echoed across half of Konoha.
"WHERE IS MY SENJU CLAN COMPOUND?!"
Before her stood a majestic… pile of ash, charcoal, and scrap metal.
"Tsunade-sama?" Shizune called.
Tsunade stepped into the remains of her life.
Everything was gone.
The residential compound, her great-uncle's library, the clan records, the artifact storage, the reserves of expensive medicines…
Her alcohol cellar was completely collapsed!
The only thing visible inside the massive clay jars were a few sugar crystals containing some exotic drinks.
"The wood was made by my grandfather—how could it burn like this?"
The losses from this place were not something money could recover.
No—more importantly, why hadn't her sensei told her anything?!
She was about to turn around to demand answers, but then she remembered.
That old man is in a coma.
She couldn't ask anyone.
"Tsunade-sama, where will we sleep tonight?" Shizune asked nervously, looking at the charred remains of the Senju compound.
It wasn't just sleeping arrangements—they didn't have a single ryō for lodging, food, or even spare clothes. They had rushed back to treat the Third Hokage.
To say they were broke…
No. Not even the truly poor had debts this astronomical.
"…We're going to the Hokage Tower."
…
And so here she was, acting as a "temporary Hokage" until her sensei woke up from his coma and resumed command of the village.
As for why she agreed…
The Hokage's salary was good, and they had to eat.
"Wake up soon, old man. I don't want to have to fix all your problems myself," she thought irritably as she accessed information she normally wouldn't be allowed to see.
To avoid unnecessary problems, they pretended her sensei was simply too busy in the village and that she had returned voluntarily to help with paperwork.
That would prevent panic and avoid projecting weakness outward.
Two days later.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE FORBIDDEN SCROLL WAS STOLEN WEEKS AGO?!"
Shizune was grateful that the Hokage office had sound-sealing fūinjutsu when necessary as a security measure.
The ANBU who had reported why Tsunade couldn't find the scroll stood cautiously near the window, as if ready to run the moment the "temporary Hokage" needed to punch something for stress relief.
The Slug Princess's temper was more legendary than her title as the "fat sheep."
"We have strong suspicions that the culprit is the traitor Yugao Uzuki, who defected to Kumo after the Chunin Exams."
"Suspicions?"
"The timing matches too perfectly."
In reality, they had little evidence, so they were trying to piece things together and hope they guessed correctly.
Besides, Yugao would have to answer for her betrayal and the killing of multiple comrades anyway. Given her infiltration in ANBU, the information leak alone was enough to justify execution.
Tsunade rubbed her face.
If her grandfather saw the current state of the village…
…
"Tsunade-sama, we've just been informed that the Kumo delegation has arrived in the village," Shizune warned, placing documents on the desk. "This is the information we have on the three envoys."
Tsunade took the papers and quickly read them. The only missing detail was photos, since everything had been printed in a hurry.
"Someone with better medical ninjutsu than me?" Tsunade frowned in disdain. She could accept talent existed, but the idea of someone surpassing her was laughable.
By the time the delegation entered her office, Tsunade had already processed the information and corrected her posture for a formal meeting.
She looked at Kiyui, then at Hibui, recognizing them from intelligence reports based on hair color descriptions. But there was no one else behind them.
She glanced sideways at Shizune, who confirmed she also didn't know where the third male member had gone.
The walk from the gate wasn't that long—he couldn't have gotten lost.
"The third envoy is unwell and had to go to the bathroom," the Konoha jonin explained, understanding the silent question in Tsunade's gaze. "He may excuse himself from the meeting if he doesn't improve."
Tsunade nodded outwardly, expression unchanged, but inwardly she sighed.
Someone who can get stomach pain dares compare himself to her in medical skill?
Overrated trash…
Was it even true that this Chad was the commander of the main attack unit against Kiri?
It all sounded like propaganda to deceive the masses.
"I thought we were meeting with the Hokage," Hibui said, not entering the office despite the open door, her gaze fixed on Tsunade. "I'm sure you are not the Third Hokage."
"The Third Hokage is of advanced age and must take better care of his health, so I am temporarily assisting in managing the village's affairs," Tsunade explained with a perfectly rehearsed excuse. "Rest assured, I have full authority to make decisions regarding this matter…"
Even though the conversation remained formal and boringly diplomatic, Tsunade had the feeling the two kunoichi were looking at her strangely.
She didn't like it.
But she couldn't just tell them to stop looking at her.
What kind of negotiation would that be?
Although calling it a negotiation was generous—it was more Kumo demanding accountability while she tried to reduce (and preferably dismiss) their demands.
At the same time, her own demands—such as handing over the traitor Yugao Uzuki or recovering the bodies of the Uchiha and Hyuga—fell like stones into a bottomless pit.
The meeting continued, but the third Kumo member never entered the office, and Tsunade felt that when she spoke to Hibui, it was as if she were talking to someone from the Nara clan.
After three hours of discussion, they reached a deadlock and postponed the rest for further clarification.
"Damn it, this woman isn't willing to forgive anything at all!" Tsunade thought as she watched Hibui's back leave with Kiyui, fists clenched, while Shizune chatted nearby. "She even wanted us to pay for the ship our group 'borrowed' from pirates to infiltrate the former Land of Water, which was later sunk to erase evidence."
The ship wasn't even Kumo's, yet Hibui had demanded enough compensation to buy twenty of them.
In fact, how the hell did they even find out about the ship?
Even Tsunade only learned about it after reading the report, and even the spies confirmed it had been a spur-of-the-moment decision, not something planned.
"I can't believe she actually made me pay for that… even if it's just the original cost of that one ship…"
Meanwhile, forget centimeters—she hadn't gained even a millimeter from Kumo's side.
"I need Shikaku present in tomorrow's meeting," Tsunade decided, leaning back in her chair. If the other side was acting like a Nara, she would bring a real Nara to teach them a lesson. "Shizune, what do you have there?"
"Huh?" Shizune showed the paper in her hands. "Kiyui-san is quite a famous singer, so I asked for an autograph!"
That way, when someone inevitably ruins them financially again, she could secretly auction it and recover some money for emergencies. If she remembered correctly, the last one had sold for forty-five million ryō due to its rarity.
Tsunade, unaware of her assistant's thoughts, looked away, failing to see the true value of the autograph.
She had never been interested in boring things like music.