I called Valin as soon as Sarai left.
"What are you doing?" Zai asked. I shushed him and waited until Vallin picked up.
"What do you want? You never call me."
He sounded annoyed,
"Where are you right now? Home?" I interrogated, he sighed and said,
"No, I'm at my girlfriend's house."
"GIRLFRIEND?!" I screamed before I realized it; his response was delayed.
"Ow..."
"What about the girl who just left? And What about Lisa? You went out with them even though you have a girlfriend?!"
I can't believe Valin would do something like that. Sure, he can't feel empathy, but his conscience seemed to be working fine.
"We started dating yesterday," he revealed...
Yesterday...
"And it IS Lisa. Now what do you want?" I fought back my mixed emotions and said,
"Well, Sarai came over here... seems like you made a pretty BIG impression on her."
"Oh... " His indifferent tone annoyed me, so I raised my voice and added,
"She is stalking you, Valin! She couldn't get your address, so she stole mine and actually showed up here! Plus, she's Lisa's friend... you're going to need to talk to her."
He was silent for a while, then he said,
"Hey... I'm sorry, I'll be right back, my sister is getting on my nerves..."
I could tell he wasn't talking to me... plus he called me "his sister," which feels a little gross with the memories I have.
I heard him shuffling and then a door closing before he started speaking again,
"Listen... who are are you to tell me what to do? Lately Snowe... you've been really getting on my nerves. You keep getting into my business and acting weird... I don't know what's wrong with you but if you don't stop... I am going to hurt your feelings."
My feelings were already hurt by the time he finished speaking.
"I just... I... I just want you to treat Lisa right! She's my friend, and she's always so sweet... it'll be really awkward if she has to hear about this from Sarai... she's already acting irrationally! Lisa needs to know... because Sarai is HER friend."
He sighed after my explanation, then said,
"Fine." Before hanging up.
I think that went well. Maybe?
I exhaled heavily.
Once I put the phone down Zai wrapped his arms around me and said,
"You must care a lot about Lisa..." I blushed a bit at his comment... I do indeed care about her.
I'm also a bit jealous of her.
It took weeks for Vallin to ask me out, and even then, he just propositioned me for sex.
So maybe they're a better match for each other.
He's also someone I care about, and I'm struggling to change those feelings back into the platonic ones I once had.
"That's true... I just don't want her relationship with your brother to be too chaotic," I muttered.
He kissed along my jawline and down my neck.
"I think focusing on your relationship with me is more than enough," he argued.
I laughed and playfully elbowed him.
"You're so selfish!"
I felt him tense up, and then he picked me up and carried me toward our room.
"What are you doing?" I mumbled while clinging to him.
"Being selfish," he replied, then he gently laid me down on the bed and said, "I need you to think about me. Only me. You've been distracted enough for today. It's time to focus."
His words sounded like a command, and I felt hypnotized by his voice.
My whole body tingled with anticipation, and I eagerly gave in to my husband's demands for the rest of the night.
When I looked at my phone the next day, I saw a text from Vallin which read,
"We need to talk. Let me know when you get up."
I felt nervous about how to reply, but I agreed, and he told me to meet him in the park.
He was waiting for me on a bench, under a shady tree. His hands were intertwined in front of his face, and he looked deep in thought.
"Hey..." I said, to announce my presence before sitting down next to him.
"... You were right. Lisa wasn't very upset, but it was a conversation we needed to have. So... sorry for being irritable with you," he began.
I sighed with relief.
"Oh, I'm glad!"
Then he turned to me and glared.
"But know your place from now on. I can sort out my own problems. I don't need you to babysit me," he scolded.
Then all the joy I was feeling flew away, and I began to sulk,
"I'm sorry..."
"What's wrong with you anyway? It feels like, for the past week, you've been looking at me differently and being way too nosy. It's... irritating," he muttered.
I frowned...
"I... had a dream, about you... an erotic dream. Where we became a couple. I guess it had a bigger effect on me than I realized. I thought I was hiding it well."
I think this is the best way to explain what I'm going through, without revealing too much. His face slowly returned to normal, then he laughed and said,
"You had a dream about me?"
I suddenly felt more embarrassed because of his question.
"Really? Well, I... used to have dreams about you very often, but I know how to separate dreams from reality. I'm not your boyfriend, Snowe."
All of my feelings were making me queasy. I'm partially flattered and disappointed.
"I know that!" I shouted.
"Plus... I could never be with someone who has been with my brother," he added with a shrug as he faced away from me,
"... Is that a moral code?"
He glared at me, then I added,
"I don't want to cheat on Zai, I'm just asking!"
"I... don't like being compared to my brothers, also... I don't want to fight them... or betray them. So sleeping with one of their partners would be the worst choice I can make." Valin admitted this, then he brushed his hair back with his right hand and sighed,
"What if... you were better than them... what if you were the one who could make someone feel complete where all your brothers failed?" I asked softly.
Valin laughed and then said,
"You really are stupid. I said I don't like being compared to them. I don't care if results are good or bad, I hate the comparison happening at all."
Well, that answers my question... In this life, there is no chance of us ever being together... somehow that's comforting.
So it's not that he's unattracted to me, it's just that I'm off limits and he respects that.
Knowing he would never try anything with me actually relieves some of my anxiety.
"I'm just speaking hypothetically!... Also... I'm sure Lisa feels that way; she met both your brothers, but her eyes stayed on you the whole time." I replied to change the subject and lighten the mood.
It worked; I felt the tension dissipate.
"I have four other brothers... but you're right. She chose me first. That's never happened before!" he replied excitedly.
He made an expression as if he was feeling sentimental... He really likes her. Valin doesn't see her as food or another warm body.
He doesn't need to be with me to find his happiness. Looking at his expression lifted a weight off of me. Zai called at that moment, and I answered after the first ring,
"Hey... are you still talking? Mark just called me, I have news, but I can tell you when you get back, I guess."
I smiled at the sound of his voice on the phone.
"We just finished talking..." I replied.
"Oh, then I called just in time. Are you coming home, or do you want to meet up somewhere?"
"Is that Zai? Can I talk to him for a sec?" Valin interjected.
He gave me the same pleading face that he used to manipulate me in the past. It was still effective, so I handed over my phone after saying,
"Hold on, Zai. Valin wants to tell you something."
"Hey! Brother.... you need to watch your girl. She's been dreaming about f*cking me," he remarked casually.
My mouth fell open...
I can't believe he just did that!
He then gave the phone back to me and said,
"Bye," With a mischievous grin.
I put the phone back up to my ear.
"Zai... are you still there?"
All I heard was silence, but I saw that the call was still connected.
"Is that true?" he asked finally.
I didn't want to respond, but my hesitation seemed to be all the confirmation he needed.
"I thought it was Rai... never thought it could be Valin."
"I was shocked too! I didn't want to have the dream!" He groaned,
"Is this what you've been acting so weird lately?" Zai interrogated... this is my chance, to be honest.
"Yes... I'm sorry. The dream felt so real that it messed me up mentally, but I'm over it now because I realized something..." I admitted.
"What?" He asked, but Zai's voice wasn't sweet like usual.
It hurt my heart a little to hear him sound so irritated, but I continued anyway and said,
"You don't want children."
My statement seemed to throw him off, so he replied with a confused,
"What?"
"I can't get pregnant with you because it's not what you want. I feel happy and secure with you, and I want to build a family with you, but you're not ready for that." I realized that my statement still lacked clarity. "I was worried that I wasn't truly in love with you, which is why I've been acting wishy-washy and dwelling on my dream.
I thought maybe I was the one who didn't want to build a family with you. I doubted myself.
Today I realized, Valin wants a family, but that's not one of your goals right now."
"You seem awfully sure about what Valin wants, considering this was a dream," Zai muttered coldly.
I choked, then Zai laughed slightly and said,
"I want to be with you... You want to focus on your career right now. It's not the time to have children with you... Plus, planning a wedding takes time, you'd probably want to have the ceremony... before getting knocked up," he reasoned.
I scoffed at his terminology, and then Zai continued with,
"Valin has told me that the only way he'd believe you're truly devoted to me is if you got pregnant. Weirdly, you hinted at knowing that about him from a dream. Did you overhear our conversation somehow?" He inquired.
I laughed nervously.
"I think I'll just come home, we can talk more there?"
Zai hummed and then said, "I guess I can talk to you a little bit more."
Thank goodness, he's not mad.
I thought this might be the end for us.
I feel so relieved I might cry, just a little.