Walking up the stairs to the fourth floor, I found myself lucky that my quarters faced the backyard, so Llyr didn't run out of the house to me right in front of Sephtis and Praxis.
'Man, that would be really fucking embarrassing! Haa, I'm trembling at the thought of him even being in the manor…will this go okay?'
Reaching the hallway to my room, I found it odd that Llyr hadn't burst out the door, nor was already out looking for me. He could be asleep, but I figured the mark on my finger would have alerted him that I was nearby.
I wasn't worried, though; if anything, I was relieved that he wasn't jumping out with some creepy ass smile. The last thing I wanted was to be caught off guard and jumped without a second to think of a defense.
Having reached my bedroom door, I waited outside of it for a good two minutes, waiting for it to burst open. But nothing happened, even though I knew he was in there. Awake.
I didn't know if he was in there, waiting for me to enter so he could catch me off guard and finish what he started months ago, but I wasn't going to offer him any more patience.
Opening the door, I walked inside to see an eerily familiar figure sitting on the edge of the side of the bed, facing the window, away from the door. His teal hair in disarray, the low-cut shirt revealing his sagged shoulders and now dull scales that littered them.
Even I had to admit that there was even a speck of pity at seeing him like this, but knowing the kind of person Llyr was, I knew he'd get back up just as quick. He didn't turn my way, but he definitely knew I had entered the room, even as I gently closed the door behind me.
Walking over to him, Llyr didn't move an inch. But once I was in front of him, looking down at him with cold eyes, he flinched. Looking at him, he looked like he'd been through hell.
Llyr's hair was unkept, his seagreen eyes dulled and sunken with bags, his scales oh so pale and lacking their usual shimmer. His finned ears sagged lower, looking like Sephtis' when he felt guilty. Sparing a glance to the side, his Trident was leaning against the wall, his armor and cloak lying on a pile on a stool.
"..."
"...Look up," I ordered him, not sparing even a bit of emotion for him. It was just pure, bitter, coldness. While I held pity for him, the weight of what he'd done to me still took hold.
"...n…eal" He mumbled, it barely reaching my ears as he gripped the sides of his head, "You aren't real! Just another hallucination! A figment of my imagination!"
"Look. Up." I repeated, the curiosity leaving my face in an instant. Llyr shook his head, shaking hysterically, as if he had been through a 30-year-long war. Annoyed, I gripped his hair and forced him to look at me, "When I say to look up, you look up, you damn bastard."
"Y-You are real? You're the real Lev, right?!" Llyr questioned, removing his head from his hair, and moved them towards me, tears running down his cheeks, "I-I am so happy to see you again! But I am so, so sorry!"
'He…is sorry?'
Llyr had a manic expression on his face, an obsessive smile, and wide, unfocused eyes. I merely looked at him with unmoving eyes, a straight face, watching as he moved his shaking arms to hug me.
Though I didn't let him, right as he reached for me, I grabbed his shoulders and kicked him in the stomach, earning an "Urg!" from him. But I didn't stop there, I grabbed his chin, forcing his face up as I slapped him as hard as I could.
And even that wasn't the end. I next grabbed him by the collar and drove my fist into him, over, and over, and over. I didn't give him any room to breathe, nor ask questions, nor defend himself.
I realized something when I last spoke with Oryn. If Llyr genuinely thought he loved me, then why not let him see the real me? The part I try so desperately to hide.
The me that hates everyone, has trust issues, would happily throw away my life for eternal peace or damnation. If he couldn't stand that part of me, then that would be the end. If I unraveled everything and he decided that wasn't what he was looking for, then that would be the fix.
"This, Llyr. Is this the real me," I admitted, giving him one last punch and earning a bloody cough, "This is the me that I hide deep down, the me that I loathe. I don't hold back, and I am not as patient as people think I am. I am a ruthless and merciless man who doesn't give a damn what happens to the people around me. This is the me beyond the friendly mask. So tell me, Llyr, do I frighten you?"
"..." Llyr lay there for a moment, breathing, his cheeks swelling with bruises, "No. No, you do not."
"Why? Why do I not scare you? Is it because you are blinded by this false love, or perhaps the fact that you know you can't have me?" I demanded, releasing him fully and sitting on top of him, watching even more tears stream down his face.
"You do not scare me because it is you. I could never think less of you, I could never hate you, I could never abandon you," Llyr recited, like a poet singing a hymn about misguided lovers, "I am more scared of myself, of the thoughts and realization of what I have done to you."
"And what is it that you have realized, hm?" I continued, tilting my head at him with the same emotionless expression, watching him cover his face with his arm and turn it towards me.
"I have realized that you will never be mine, and that if I can't ever have you…well, that I would much rather die," Llyr removed his arm, revealing a smile filled with sorrow and longing, his wounds healing to reveal all his emotion.
Looking at him, I was reminded of something. It was my former self, my 'true' self. The self is buried beyond the 'real' self. The part of me that wanted to just die when Yasuo and Keiji passed, the part of me that was okay with being slaughtered as I learned that Akihito would soon follow and leave me all alone in that wretched world.
The part of me that I felt the most shame for, one that, since I was a child, I was taught to hide. It was the side of myself that I hated the most. The vulnerability, the emotions.
'Why do I have to find someone that reminds me of that now? Let alone in this bastard?'
"Haaa…You damn bastard, why must you remind me of that?" I asked not only him, but myself, "Tell me, do you really think that it would really be worth throwing away all this effort just because you couldn't have me?"
"Yes. Yes, it is. It was ALL for you, EVERYTHING I DID WAS FOR YOU!" Llyr shouted, finally sitting up and grabbing me by the collar, "So tell me, WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LOVE ME?!"
"...Why? Pfft- hehehehe, HAHAHAHA! You are really asking me that?!" I exclaimed, laughing like a madman, "You finally ask the question! HAHAHA!"
"Why are you laughing? WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING YOU WHORE?!" Llyr shouted, standing up, my collar still in his hands.
"Pfft- Hehehehe, haa, that is more like it! Get angry at me! That is what I want to see!" I grinned, the first genuine grin I've ever given him, "You wanted to know why I couldn't ever love you before? Okay, I'll tell you."
Llyr looked at me with a glare, his grip on my collar tightening even more. It felt as if, at any given moment, he would throw me across the room and beat the ever-loving daylights out of me. And I was glad that it finally got to this point, that I could crack him and make him feel as I felt as I ran from him, trembled from him, and cried because of him.
"I could never fall in love with you because you were just so damn weak. You were a weak, stupid, foolish, and naive man. You were not fit to be king, and you were most definitely not fit to stand by my side," I listed, enjoying the shifting expression of his face as I broke him, "I could never be with someone so devoid of how the world worked, someone oh so innocent."
Llyr looked as if the entire world had shattered right in front of him, leaving him all alone. He dropped me, looked at his hand,s and sobbed. It was at this moment that he finally understood the weight of his actions, the reason I had given him so many "chances."
It was because I was scared, scared of Llyr and all he could do to me, that I wouldn't be able to stop. And seeing him like that before me now filled me with such a thrill, a thrill that I never wanted myself to feel again after that day.
"What-What have I done!?" He sobbed, tears streaming down his face as he covered it with his hands and dropped to his knees, "I am so, so sorry! Please forgive me. I didn't know what I was doing! I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry."
He repeated over and over again as I watched him, a wicked smile on my face. I didn't realize then that I was so much like my father, like the villain of this god-forsaken story that I despised so much.
"Good, it is good that you are sorry. Now, I can maybe forgive you. So long as you can prove yourself," I told him, kneeling so I could whisper that into his ear, "I will give you one final chance."
Llyr didn't respond; he just shook his head, taking my hand as I offered it. I didn't regret my actions, though I knew that they were a bit drastic. In a way, it was Llyr showing me how he grew as a person, going from the sappy, foolish King to a young man who was slowly starting to learn to regulate his emotions.
"I do not hate you, Llyr. But I am angry. Let this be a lesson to properly think before you act, okay? If, by the end of this month, you manage to dispel any doubt I may have, then I will forgive you, kay?" I reasoned, giving Llyr's hand a small squeeze as I helped him up.
"Alright," Llyrs said through hiccups and tears, looking at me with watery eyes as tears flooded his cheeks, "Thank you, Lev, for giving me a chance."
"It's fine. Just clean this up when we finish helping the others bring their stuff in," I ordered, letting go of Llyr and heading towards the door.
"Others? Is it not Sir Gwyneira or Sir Arwan with you?" LLyr asked with a nervous tone in his voice, rushing over to follow me out the door.
"Hm? Oh, no. I guess you could say I made some…friends during my time running away. Thanks to you no less, so, thanks?" I jested, the word 'friends' sending a chill down my spine as I thought how the two would react to seeing Llyr, knowing my relationship with Sephtis and Praxis opinion on the topic of my engagement.
"I see…I suppose something good came out of it, heh," Lly gave out a fake chuckle, patting down his hair and lying over his shoulder to try and piece together his appearance, though puffed eyes and wet cheeks didn't help much.
Merely humming in response, I walked down the stairs, not bothering to see if Llyr was behind me or not. Once we reached the front doors, I was relieved to see through the peephole that Sephtis and Praxis were still outside, chatting away.
"...Lev, are your new friends demons?" Llyr asked from behind me, fiddling with his hands, an anxious expression on his face.
"Hm? One of them, yes. An incubus and a werewolf. I've brought the werewolf under my tutelage; the Incubus is a subordinate," I explained, turning towards him with a raised brow. "Why do you ask?"
"Oh, no reason in particular. I was just curious…I know you don't discriminate between races, so I wanted to make sure everything was alright," Llyr replied, stepping over to the door, just a few inches behind me, looking down at my eyes.
"Hmph, of course it is, just who do you take me for?" I scoffed, smiling slightly. Having deemed the conversation over, I opened the front doors, drawing Praxis and Sephtis' eyes towards us.