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Chapter 129- Back to England.
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Thak!
"What the hell did you do in Italy?" I ask the man sitting there, lying back in his seat, rocking in his chair and staring at the ceiling.
Thak!
"I have all sorts of people constantly contacting me, because I am your only known point of contact." He doesn't even look at me. "The Italian Ministry is desperate to meet with you, but they won't send an envoy, and they want you to go back there, and they aren't explaining why." Again, he doesn't even acknowledge my words. And I have no clue if he is even listening.
Thak!
"...Just tell me what happened, so I can sort it out and pay off whoever I need to pay off, so you can continue wasting your life away doing whatever it is you do, and I can go back to managing your company." And again, this uncaring, selfish asshole ignores me, doing something completely inane and stupid instead.
Thak!
"That's enough! Leviosa!" I shout, having had enough. I float the ball in the air before it can fall back down to his waiting hand, stopping him from catching it and throwing it back at the ceiling again. I then take it a step further and-
Pop!
"...Did you have to blow up my ball?" He sighs, finally putting his chair back down on four legs and acting like a grown man instead of the immature man-child he usually acts like. Fucksake, not even Nymphadora bothered me this much when she was growing up. Well, I have my own issues with that child now, and it's because of this bastard.
"Just answer the fucking questions, motherfucker." More like daughter fucker, goddamn it. I'm not even sure of the reason I am so angry, because he got with my daughter, or because he got with her instead of me. And is that why I am so angry with Nymphadora as well, because she got with him instead of me? Fuck, I preferred it when he was in Italy, and I didn't have to think about him. And screw that fucking amused smile of his.
"What happened in Italy, stays in Italy. If you want to find that out, it will have to be pillow talk, and know how to get onto the pillow." And there he is, hitting on me again, like he doesn't even remember the last conversation we had before he left for Italy. Still, I ignore those words and what they make me feel, both the good and the bad.
"Ignore the Italian Ministry, I am never going back to that accursed fucking country. And you don't have to pay anyone off, just fucking ignore all things Italian." He says, but then quickly realises something and goes to hastily correct himself. "No, no. In fact, keep a quiet eye on all things Italian, but don't tell me about anything unless it involves vampires acting dangerously or two women called Isabella or Selene D'Arcana. They are a mother and daughter, and you need to tell me immediately if either of them sets foot on British land." He shudders just thinking about it.
"Oh my god, you slept with them both, didn't you. And they found out, and now both mother and daughter want to kill your hedonistic arse." I figure it out immediately, knowing he has a history of banging people's daughters. Hell, I found out, but I hadn't slept with him, so I didn't want to kill him, but I did want to curse him, but he's also my boss, and I depend on this job for a livelihood. Especially after I had left Ted, which I did immediately after finding him with that other woman in his mother's house.
I very much wish that I wasn't helping Nymphadora with her Occlumency and I hadn't found that memory of her night with Gilderoy, and I really wish that I hadn't seen her morning with Gilderoy, where she changed herself to look like me under his desk while I was in the room with them, completely unaware of what was going on. I hadn't been able to interact the same with Nymphadora since, but whilst Gilderoy was away, we were getting back to normal, but now... Shit, it will always be in a corner of my mind. And now I know he's gone further with a different mother and daughter pair, an Italian pair.
"Ha!" He snorts, laughing. "Yeah, I slept with both of them, and at the same time. It was the best threesome of my life, and they said it helped their mother-daughter bond become stronger than ever. But they were insatiable and hungry, and they wrung me dry, and I am afraid that will come and find me and drain me of all my fluids." He laughs again, and I don't understand anything.
"You- what? You... what?" Is all I can geto out, as I can't make heads or tails of this situation. of this situation that was so similar to mine but turned out in a completely different direction, a... much more... confusing direction. "Just make sure to tell me if either of those two women ever actually gets close to England, so I can be ready to run," he says something, but I don't hear him, still focused on the shocking information he had revealed.
"Hello, are you there, Andromeda? Knock, knock, anybody home?" Gilderoy had gotten up at some point and had come in front of me, waving his hands in front of me. I snap out of my fugue and jump back, shocked to see him so close, after finding out how he had warped a mother and daughter relationship, and that they had enjoyed it. That had made them even stronger.
"D-Did it really make the two of them closer? And- and things were fine? Were they fine? They were... better?" I ask, something I don't know in my words, something I don't dare acknowledge in my mind, but it is there. Gilderoy just looks at me weirdly and then shakes his head. "Yeah, sure did. Whatever, I've done it for loads of mother-daughter pairs. Happens all the time, honestly, it's quite normal." He says, and I don't hear how he says it or the chuckling face he has on, like he just told a joke.
"Just make sure to tell me about Italian vampires or mothers and daughters, okay?" He says, before sitting back on his chair, conjuring another ball and then rocking back onto two legs and slamming the ball against the ceiling and catching it once more. "Be careful, you'll end up falling backwards and cracking your head open." The words come out unbidden, natural, from when I used to say the same to Nymphadora.
"Yes, mom." He says back, snarkily, and I smile before squashing it, then leave the room with a lot on my mind and new revelations that are impacting my worldview.
I... am very confused.
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What the hell was up with her?
She's acting like she's never heard incest jokes before. But then again, I come from later on in the world where comedy is a bit more edgier, well, at least the comedy I liked and not that inclusive, everybody is too much of a bitch and will complain shit.
I sigh, and then lean back forward and put my chair back on four legs, and then I fling the balls into a random corner, no longer entertained by it. It's no fun when there is no one being bothered by it; that's half of the fun when doing something , seeing how people react to it and enjoying their responses. Wait, is it? Is that normal? I mean, what's the point of doing stuff when there isn't anybody to be proud of you, to be impressed, annoyed or jealous?
... Fuck, no wonder I ended up as Gilderoy Lockhart, the biggest ego and fame chaser in the world. I'm just as much of an attention seeker, which is no wonder since I grew up in foster care and was constantly lining up to get picked for a family, but if there was nothing special about you, you got passed over. Fuck, I'm such a mess, and it's no wonder I do so much stupid shit. But fuck it, I am who I am, an attention-seeking, fame-chasing, aura-farming wizard who wants the adulation and love of everyone.
Oh well, that's enough introspection for now. I went a bit of a tangent there. But I've been a fair bit more speculative and thoughtful since I returned from Italy. But who wouldn't be? I mean, I went for a vacation, and I ended up on a quest to find a magical artefact because some stupid old man believed in the rumours of my heroics, and made it his dying wish. And then that brought a horde of vampires upon me and the attention of the monster vampire.
And then, because I was scared out of my wits by that monster, I tried to get help and contacted multiple people. Dumbledore was one of them, but he just showed up and said he had full faith I would handle it and then disappeared, the crazy old goat fucker. And then I called on the help of the Dark Force Defence League for help, and their leader, Madam Patricia Rakepick, a dark wizard who is in deep cover in the evil organisation R, decided to help with aid from other members of the DFDL.
I then went and used my little fans, the Weasleys, to get my hands on a bunch of dragon blood, which vampires hate to ingest as it's too strong, and I made weapons out of it. I then went and seduced the monster vampire's daughter, and after having some fun, I interrogated her, and then I went on the attack. Rakepick used R to fight the vampire clan, and I ended up killing the monster vampire's other daughter before finding the magical artefact and killing the monster and also destroying the artefact. So yeah, I've had an adventure that sounds like bad literature written by someone with too many ideas and not enough follow-through.
"You know, I've been waiting for you to say something, but if you are just gonna stay silent and continue to be a weirdo, then I am going to get angry," I speak into the empty room, having known of my visitor for a while but chose to let them reveal themselves in their own time, but I got bored, so here we are.
"How long have you known I was here?" A vaguely familiar voice rings out, but I can't quite place it. It's a bit young, but I really don't know who it could be. Still, I know they aren't dangerous. I've been alone for a while now, and they could have chosen to attack at any time.
"Since I entered the room. I started bouncing that ball around to get you to act, but you are very patient, aren't you? Hell, I was prepared for you to send a spell at me after I threw the ball at you, but you didn't. So, what do you want, friendo?" I ask, knowing they couldn't be here to hurt me after I foung a ball as hard as I could at them.
"Yes, the ball to my balls hurt a lot, but I have spent a lot of my life in hiding and not being seen or heard, so I don't much care. I am here on orders from my boss." Ha, I hit him right in the balls, amazing. Still, kudos to him for taking it without flinching or making a sound, so he is committed to his role. I wonder who he is.
"Ah, right, you." I let out a breath as the man in the corner shimmers into existence, and, seeing him, I remember that I just met him for the first time on my Italian adventure, though only very briefly.
"You are looking well, for a dead man. Should you really be here when everyone thinks you're dead? What about the people you know? You're family?" I ask Rowan Khanna, who is standing there in the corner, not making a move to sit down and staying absolutely still, like a statue.
"I have never been a dead man; I am just registered as dead. There is a difference. Also, I have been working under Madam Rakepick for some years now, I understand what needs to be done more than ever, and I know that I cannot risk contact with them. My anonymity is what makes me useful, and once I am no longer useful, there is no point to my existence." He says, his face completely stone-like, like nothing an actual person would have.
"Yeah, I didn't ask for your life story. What the hell do you want?" I say, getting past whatever this robot guy wants to talk about. I don't know what kind of shit this kid has gone through, but I know it ain't good. I know what kind of woman Madam Rakepick is; she's all about the ends justifying the means, even if the means are unbearable and sickening. Rakepick is all about the greater good, and she is one sergeant task master. She's put this boy through his paces since he had his death faked, making him a perfect tool for herself. I would probably care more if I knew the guy or anyone who knew him, but I don't, so all he will get from me is some mild pity.
"Madam Rakepick wants a status report and a field report of what happened in Italy. No detail spared, as soon as possible." Rowan delivers his message, and then he waits for my response. But surely he knows how I will respond, right? I mean, I don't owe the bitch anything.
"I am an honorary member of the Dark Force Defence League, not an actual member. What that means is that I don't owe your boss fuck all. In fact, she should be offering me a report on why the fuck she bitched out and left, knowing that the vampires were a serious threat to the entire world if they got their hands on the artefact." I say, making a point. I don't blame her for running; it was the only sensible thing to do. But then to ask for the information about what happened after she ran away, like I was her subordinate, and not even come in person, but to send her a little toy to do it. Nah, fuck that bitch.
'Hm." Rowan hums, nonplussed about my response. "Hm? Is that all you have to say? I basically just told you and your boss to go fuck off and leave me the hell alone." I really respected more push back and some anger, and at the worst, I expected maybe an attack or something to show me my place. But Rowan doesn't seem to care.
"Yes, that is all. I told Madam Rakepick you would respond like this, but to be fair, I expected much less vulgarity. She thought the same, but she thought she should try anyway." Hm, she didn't think I would report to her? But she still sent Rowan here to ask about getting it? Why would she- ah, so that's it. She was trying her luck to see if I would respond and therefore be an asset she could call on, or if I would refuse, in which case she wouldn't really lose anything and would know not to depend on me showing up in a pinch.
"Tell Rakepick that I'm not her chore boy. But if a sufficient reason is given, I may make an exception and help out. You guys did help me out after all, and you did assist slightly in stopping the vampires, clearing out the riff raff so I could focus completely on the important matters." I respond magnanimously, giving credit where it is due, and that credit is mostly due to me.
"Very well. But I am also here to remind you that Madam Rakepick stuck her neck out and brought the forces of R to aid you, and now has nothing to show for it. Not only that, but their forces took a hit, and Madam Rakepick's position has been lowered, and her reputation is teetering on the edge. If you truly do appreciate our aid, then perhaps you could provide a boon she can present to R. Perhaps... something from your R&D department?" Okay, so this whole thing has just been a ploy to get something from me.
What it is they want, I don't know. It could be any number of things. I just chucked a bunch of ideas and theories at all the eggheads and let them get to work, and they are developing a hell of a lot of things. It could be the Gale Force Reading Glasses Ultimate Edition, which lets you read up to 128 times as fast. The mist broom that is a lot slower than the others, but also gives you intangibility and lets you fly through anything, basically becoming an Obito as long as you are on the broom. Or it could be the magic energy generator, which is much too complicated for me to even think about. I honestly don't know, but I do know the answer to his request.
"If her reputation is teetering, then maybe she should do the thing she did last time to boost it. Go get her to fake-kill a kid and then take them with her on her whirlwind adventure into espionage and warfare. Hell, I am sure you've got some friends you miss, kid. Why don't you convince her to go fake-kill one of them, maybe a girl? At least then you could maybe get your cock wet for once." I say it with the most hostility possible, making it absolutely clear they would not be getting anything from me.
"... I'll be sure to relay that." He responds and then shimmers out of existence, knowing there is nothing to be gained here. I watch as a window mysteriously opens and then closes, and then I go back to throwing my ball once more.
Thak!
Thak!
Thak!
...I'm bored.
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Yay, back to England, but it's still the third year, and I don't see a way to get Gil involved with it, and I also don't think he wants to.
Upcoming Chapters:
Free: Chapter 130- Get Him To The Three Broomsticks.
Hero: Chapter 131- It's Getting Away From Him.
Super: Chapter 133- Remarkable.
Legendary: Chapter 135- Magical Manhunter.
Galactic: Chapter 139- Thwarting My Plans?
Mythic: Chapter 146 - The Last Marauder.
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