TW: Domestic violence
Nefretiri
Smack!
The slap echoed in my ears before the pain registered.
The brutality forced me to the ground, hitting my face, a bruise already forming.
If only that were the end
Three of my ribs crack as he kicks me, venting all his anger out for something I didn't do. It's impossible to breathe, each attempt coming out as a harsh wheeze, intensifying the burning sensation.
That only angers him more.
Out of instinct, I curl into a ball, my back exposed to him, which is a mistake. Somehow, I manage not to scream as he attacks me again, refusing to give him the satisfaction.
I can't let him win.
That would be easier, him winning would be easier, but then there wouldn't be anything left of me, and that's not my pride.
Gods, was this my life?
Did I deserve this? I don't know anymore.
At one point, the answer was no, but now I'm not so sure. No matter how many times I rack my brain, I can't come up with a valid reason for the abuse, and none of his excuses make sense.
So, why do I stay?
'No!' The chaos wakes the baby, but I can't do anything.
She's safe in her bassinet. Ricky won't look at her as long as she's not in my arms. He hasn't even held her once since we came home three days ago, and I swear he hates her.
She's his child, but he doesn't seem to care.
"How many times have I told you? You're not allowed to be asleep during the day!" All I'd done was take a nap, but he was treating me like I was having an affair. "Are you stupid or deaf? You act like I enjoy this! I don't want to work all fucking day and come home to do your job! I don't want to beat you to get you to do the right thing!"
Silence saves me from saying something that'll make everything worse. No matter what I want to say, fear is the better option, even as my heart's cursing him.
"Answer me, Diana! Do you expect me to go easy on you?" He pulls me up by my hair, making escape impossible. "Clean every inch of this house before I get back. This isn't a joke this time. You don't want to see what I'll do if you don't. I have no problem replacing you! Understood?"
"Yes!" Tears fell, blurring his face as he forced me to look at him, but they're not from pain or fear.
"Good, don't bother with food. I'll eat out," he let me go, making me fall again, but not before kicking my leg hard enough for white flashes to hurt my eyes. "Oh, one more thing. Don't get any ideas. I'm locking the door from the outside with the key code. So, if you want to leave, swallow your tongue."
The threat lingers in the air as he walks away, his footsteps heavy, as if he were reminding me that every part of him could hurt me.
I didn't move until the sharp sound of the security lock activated and the roar of the engine filled the air, sounding close to my ear, then further away as he left.
He's gone, and I let go of the tension in my chest, sucking in the moment of peace.
That's when the shame hits me.
Ricky was supposed to love me forever, but he can only possess and be cruel. Who wants someone like that? Who stays for so long even after the obvious is clear?
He played me, and I fell for the lie without asking for more.
"It's okay, Pen-Pen. Mommy's here. We're okay," Somehow, I got myself up and dragged my injured body to the bassinet.
Penelope screamed, her fists shaking and her face the color of a ripe tomato. No one so small should have lungs like hers, but my daughter was born a fighter, and she hated Ricky more than he hated her.
That's heartbreaking, and dark thoughts of our future invade my mind until Penelope's eyes change from ocean blue to glowing green.
I've only seen her do it a few times, but it's still fascinating.
"Don't let your dad see that, or our secret's out."
I have too many secrets, and they're caving me in.
'If anyone realized magic was real, they'd lose their minds.'
Everyone imagines wands, magic schools, and flashy lights, but to me, magic was life and death. I can't share what we are with anyone, especially Ricky.
The monsters under the house are proof of that.
'Don't think about him anymore.' I'm tired, aching, and Penelope needs me to be stronger.
So I rock my baby, hoping I'm enough to soothe her. We can't afford for him to know, so I need to teach her to hide who she is.
'Only a few days old and you're already failing as a mother.' My depression mocks me, but I can't argue. 'She'll have to pretend she's something she's not, and that's on you.'
"There we go." After a few minutes, Penelope closes her eyes, the energy draining her. She'll sleep for hours, and I'm inclined to let her. "Mommy won't let anything happen to you. I'll keep you safe."
'You can't protect yourself, let alone her.'
The promise seems hollow, but I intend to honor my word. I'll protect my daughter from everything, even her father, no matter what. But first, I need to take care of myself.
A broken toy can't help anyone. Hopefully, I can fix my injuries without doing more damage.
Dragging myself to the bathroom, I stare at the woman in the mirror. She's a shadow of who she was, not that she remembers much from that time. Once, I wore makeup to look fancy; now I cover bruises and puffy eyes with layers of color.
Some might say I'm pretty, but I don't agree. All I see is swelling and skin that's already turning purple.
"Damn it!" I wanted the tears to dry up. He didn't deserve them, but I'm wrong. Somehow, I'm always wrong.
I want to give up, and the threads that stop me from doing something stupid are breaking.
All I have is Penelope. No one else cares, and I've lost everything else. The last person I had was my mother, but she's gone.
Another of Ricky's cruelties.
She died months ago, but he'd taken my phone and didn't bother telling me until she'd been gone for a month. I tried mourning her, but that was off the table too. Ricky said she'd abandoned me first, and it was her fault she died alone, so I didn't need her.
Everything I say starts with Ricky said, and I don't know how to stop.
"I can't, I can't, I can't…" People think giving up means ending everything, but there are other ways. Dangerous paths that can destroy you in ways that make death a peaceful dream.
My hands move on their own, grabbing the soap and drawing lines and symbols on the mirror, my eyes changing from hazel to silver and gold.
I've never known where my magic comes from; just that Penelope and I are what we are, and we're classified as sorcerers.
The swelling shrinks, the bruises fade, and the searing pain eases enough to breathe and stand without trembling. Yet, I wish I hadn't.
"Stupid!"
The first law of magic is the most important.
Magic demands a cost, and you can't negotiate.
My stomach growls before tightening, screaming at me as if I haven't eaten in weeks. I could've gotten sick and been in front of the toilet for hours, but hunger is one of the worst symptoms. You're left weak, disoriented, and all you can think of is food.
All you want is relief, but your body doesn't give in to your demands; devouring itself until you sate it, which is easier said than done.
My feet take me to the kitchen. I don't even question my actions as I throw open the fridge, grabbing the first thing I see: Ricky's chocolate cake. It calls to me, and I don't refuse the temptation to rip the seal and shove piece after piece into my mouth.
I'm in a trance, finishing the entire cake and going for the gallon of apple juice. There's no time to enjoy it; only consume and feed the beast like its Famine.
Clarity comes too late as I open my eyes, staring at the carnage.
Except for a few crumbs on my lips and fingers, everything's gone.
Unfortunately, it wasn't enough to curb the hunger—only enough to hold it at bay for a while. The problem now is fixing what I've done.
Knowing my luck, Ricky will come home wanting it. If sleeping were a crime, taking his special desserts was one of the seven deadly sins.
"Fuck!" I'd done it now. "Keep it together, Nefretiri. Don't lose it yet."
Another thing he's taken from me: my name.
Diana's my middle name and easier to say than Nefretiri, but every time he refuses to use Nefretiri, it's as if he's erasing that version of me.
'Stupid girl.' My thoughts sing, mocking me as if they were another person. 'You've done it now!'
It's not helpful.
I need an answer. The store that sells this cake is an hour's walk. It's three, so I could be there and back in two hours if I hurried, but it's risky.
Ricky locked the house. He'll expect me to be here. The hell I'll pay if he finds out I know the codes isn't something I want to think about, but it's better odds than him opening the fridge and finding no cake.
However, my plan has some flaws.
One, Ricky took all my money, except for the sixty I hid in my secret jewelry box. Two, my body, drained by healing magic and blows, may take more time to recover. Three, there's a chance Ricky will see me walking down the street with the stroller. Still, it's a risk I need to take.
If I stay here, I'm standing at a dead end.
The sweltering heat of New Mexico hit us, and I'm glad I chose the thinner long-sleeved blouse. Aztec isn't the place for sweaters, especially in the summer. The heat is dry, and the desert unyielding.
Penelope was still asleep in the stroller as I locked the back door, scolding myself for how reckless this was. The heat won't help me move faster, but I'm motivated. My goal is to beat Ricky home.
I can't let him think I've run away, not again.
"Help me," I stare at the sun and pray to whoever will hear me. The necklace around my neck grew warmer, and I took it as a good omen.
Unfortunately, I was wrong.
My leg's throbbing, razors dancing up and down my calf and shin. It forces me to stop, so I'm wasting time. The only thing drowning out some of the pain is the music playing through my cheap headphones.
Sadly, it's not enough, and I nearly fall over, too exhausted to move.
The stroller is the only thing holding me up, but even that's not enough.
We've walked for less than two hours, but it might as well be forever, giving my emotions too much time to stew and pull me down. Thankfully, the parking lot comes into view, and the sliver of hope offers me a burst of energy, propelling me forward.
The store has air conditioning and drinks. I'll take water from a faucet at this point.
'I can sit down! Even for a few minutes!'
I'm so close, and that's when everything goes wrong.
I don't know if it's the exhaustion, the thought of getting cool, or my emotions, but I stop paying attention to where I'm going and slam right into the side of someone's very expensive blue truck, and I'm positive I've left a dent.