I kinda regret going to Shiba‑kun's birthday party now. Like… seriously. After everything that happened? It's just—ugh. So messed up.
Right after the party, I was walking Katsuki home. He was moving all slow and weird, rubbing his nose like he thought I wouldn't notice.
"Fuck that classmate of yours, Mika…," he muttered with a scowl. "Shoulda beat his ass right there."
Then he let out this annoyed groan, louder this time.
"And what the hell was that crap about treating you like you're invisible?" he snapped.
…No, that part was kinda true though.
"Katsu, be for real," I sighed, already getting irritated. "You hang with the boys way more than me lately. Everyone sees it. It's not a secret."
I crossed my arms, glaring at him.
"And now you're out here trying coke after I literally told you not to? Like, hello? Do you even get how trashy that looks for me?" I groaned. "Actually, forget me — do you get how bad that makes you look?"
"The hell d'you mean, 'looks bad'?" he scoffed. "It was one line, Mika. Not like I'm some junkie."
He rubbed his nose again and clicked his tongue.
"Unlike your precious classmate whose girl brings him drugs at his own damn party."
…Yeah, okay. Katsu kinda had a point there.
I barely even knew Shiba-kun outside of his music stuff. Back at school, he was just that quiet delinquent dude sleeping in the back corner by the window.
I liked talking to him. I liked the flirty DMs, the secret-sharing, the way he made me feel seen. But after that party? I can't keep getting close.
He's going deeper into that world. The violence, the drugs, the dangerous girlfriend who brings yakuza to parties… it's not just risky for him anymore. It's risky for me.
So yeah… I'm pulling back.
I'll still be polite at school. I'm not gonna be mean.
But I can't let myself get pulled in any further. Not when my future is on the line.
Even if part of me already misses the version of him I thought I was getting to know.
"And don't start parroting that Forsaken asshole either. I ain't ignoring you."
I let out a sigh.
"Katsuki… I think we need a break. No, actually—I need one."
I rubbed my face. "I'm just… tired, okay? I wanna forget all this and focus on myself for a bit. That's it."
For a second, time just… froze.
Katsuki stopped walking.
He didn't turn around right away.
His hands stayed shoved in his pockets, shoulders going stiff like he was holding himself back from reacting too fast.
"…A break?" he repeated, quieter than before.
He clicked his tongue, but it didn't land like usual.
"From what, exactly?" he muttered. Then he raised his voice again, like he was forcing the attitude back into it. "From me?"
He finally turned his head, looking at me.
And for a split second, it wasn't anger.
Just confusion. Annoyance, yeah… but mixed with something he didn't want to show.
"You don't just say that shit outta nowhere, Mika… If you were tired, you should've said it earlier."
He looked away again, jaw tight, like he was grinding the words down before they came out wrong.
"Don't make it sound like I'm the only reason things got fucked up."
I let out a breath I didn't even realize I was holding.
"Katsuki…" I rubbed my face, dragging my hand down like I was trying to wipe the whole day off. "I'm not blaming you."
I glanced at him, then away again almost immediately.
"I'm just… tired, okay?"
My voice came out flatter than I wanted it to.
"Everything's been a mess lately. Shiba-kun, the party, you, people talking, whatever…" I gestured vaguely, like I couldn't even be bothered to organize it properly in my head.
"I just want to stop thinking about all of it for a bit."
I kicked lightly at the ground.
"And yeah… maybe that includes you, okay?"
I said it faster than the rest.
Not because I was confident.
Because if I slowed down, it would hit different.
"…I just need space."
I finally looked at him properly this time.
But I wasn't angry… just exhausted.
"And I need it without feeling like I'm gonna explode every time I try to breathe."
Katsuki raised an eyebrow, not buying it. It was so annoying.
"You're trying to get with Forsaken, aren't you?"
He let out a sharp breath through his nose, almost a laugh. "Of course you are. He's a rising rapper, and I'm just some nobody delinquent."
His jaw tightened as he looked away.
"Yeah. Good job, Mika."
I stared at him for a second, actually speechless.
"Oh my God, seriously?" I scoffed. "That's what you got from all this?"
He didn't answer.
I clicked my tongue, folding my arms tighter across my chest.
"Forsaken has literally nothing to do with this, Katsuki. You think I'm asking for space because I wanna jump to some rapper guy right away? Seriously?"
He still wouldn't look at me.
And honestly, that pissed me off even more.
"This is exactly what I mean," I muttered. "You stop listening the second things get hard."
I exhaled hard, rubbing my temple again.
"I'm tired, Katsuki. Not cheating. Not 'looking for an upgrade.' Just tired."
And honestly… I was.
I loved Katsuki. I really did.
But things were starting to get scary.
If people found out I was hanging around delinquents doing coke at parties, my social life would be over.
Girls would stop talking to me. Rumors would spread everywhere. I'd get judged for all of it, even if I never touched the stuff myself.
I'd become "that girl".
And for someone trying to make it in modeling?
Yeah. That was basically the worst possible image to have.
Katsuki stayed quiet for a few seconds.
Then he laughed, just once.
"Right," he muttered, looking away. "Wouldn't wanna ruin your image."
…Ugh.
Of course he said it like that.
He clicked his tongue and started walking again, hands shoved in his pockets.
"Don't worry, Mika," he said without turning around. "I got the message."
He walked away without bothering to look back.
A few days passed like that—quiet, awkward, like something was left unfinished but nobody wanted to touch it.
Then one morning, it happened. I was walking with Haruna, trying not to think about anything too much—school, messages I hadn't answered, everything from the party still kind of stuck in the back of my head like static.
Haruna was talking about something random, I think, but I wasn't really listening.
That was when I saw him.
Shiba-kun.
Of course.
I should've known my morning couldn't just be normal.
Then Haruna waved.
"Good morning, Shiba-kun!" she said, all bright like usual.
My stomach just… dropped a little when I looked up and saw him standing there.
Same hands-in-pockets thing. Same lazy posture. Like nothing ever touches him.
Great.
I looked away immediately.
"…"
I didn't say anything at first. I just stared somewhere slightly to the side of him, like that would make it less obvious I was reacting at all.
He raised a hand.
"Yo, Nakamura. Inazuki."
Of course he said my name too.
Like it was normal.
Like nothing happened.
I finally turned my head just enough to look at him.
"…Yeah, like, good morning, Shiba-kun," I said.
Flat. Too flat. I could hear it myself.
Haruna didn't seem to notice. Or maybe she did and was just being polite. Either way, she smiled and kept the conversation going.
"So, how was your birthday, Shiba-kun? Did you do anything fun?"
Birthday.
Right.
I glanced at him again before I could stop myself.
Of course he'd act normal.
Of course he would.
I shifted my weight slightly, already feeling like I shouldn't be here. Like standing next to him in front of someone like Haruna was a mistake I was currently making in real time.
He answered like it was nothing.
"Nah. Nothing special. Just stayed home, ate some cake, visited my family for a bit. Mom made extra food—don't think she was expecting me to show up, though."
I stared at the ground for a second.
Sure.
That's the version people get.
Haruna made a small sound like she was interested. She smiled.
"Ah, that actually sounds nice," she said.
Yeah.
Nice.
I forced myself to breathe normally.
Because if I didn't, I was going to start thinking about everything I didn't want to think about.
He tried to keep it going.
"What about you guys? How was your weekend?"
I felt it hit me immediately—like pressure behind my ribs.
No.
No, no, no.
Not this.
Not small talk. Not standing here. Not Nakamura being here while I'm standing next to him like this.
My brain just… snapped into one decision.
Leave.
Now.
I grabbed Haruna's sleeve before I even fully decided I was going to do it.
"Ah—sorry, Shiba-kun," I said quickly. Too quickly. "I just remembered I actually got something super important to do first thing in the morning. Me and Haruna are gonna go ahead, okay? See you~"
Haruna blinked.
"W-wait, Mika-chan, slow down—"
I was already moving.
Too fast.
But I didn't look back.
I couldn't afford to.
Not because I hated him.
Because if I stayed there one second longer, I didn't know what I would look like to other people watching.
And then… I think he finally got the message. Because after that, he stopped reaching out.
Good.
At least, that's what I told myself.
But somehow, he still ended up everywhere.
It started in class.
I walked in one morning and could already hear people talking before I even sat down.
"Yo, did you hear that new collab Forsaken dropped?"
"With that Korean singer… Daeun or something?"
"It's everywhere online right now."
I slid into my seat slowly, pretending I didn't care.
Haruna was already half-listening, phone in hand. A couple of other girls were leaning over someone's screen too.
"Wait, this track is actually going viral," someone said.
"It's giving international vibe, no?"
I pulled my phone out anyway.
Bad idea.
I knew it halfway through the first hook.
It wasn't bad.
That was the annoying part.
"…It's mid," I muttered.
Haruna blinked. "Huh?"
"I said it's mid," I repeated, scrolling away like that fixed anything.
A couple of people around us laughed.
"Nah, you're just hating."
"It's literally trending, Mika."
I rolled my eyes.
"Trending doesn't mean good," I said flatly.
But I still didn't turn it off immediately.
And that was the part I didn't like admitting.
But then, I got a DM.
Shiba-kun: Look. If you got a problem with me, just come say it to my fucking face.
I stared at my phone for a second.
"…Seriously?" I muttered under my breath.
Of course he'd text like that. Of course.
I should've ignored it. That would've been smarter.
But I didn't.
Me: "I don't have a 'problem' with you. I just said the song was mid. Relax."
I exhaled through my nose, leaning back in my chair.
"…Why is he even mad about that?" I muttered to myself.
It wasn't like I insulted him.
…Right?
Shiba-kun: "Well, first of all, keep your opinions to yourself."
I stared at the message.
"…Huh?"
My thumb stopped moving for a second.
First of all, keep your opinions to yourself.
I blinked once.
"Excuse me?" I muttered out loud.
Shiba-kun: "Second, I'm sorry I punched your boyfriend, but you're the one who complained he's ignoring you and shit."
My face went hot instantly.
"Tch—seriously…" I clicked my tongue, gripping my phone tighter.
Shiba-kun: "And third, you can fucking hate me as much as you want."
…That one made me pause.
I sat there for a few seconds, staring at the screen.
"I don't hate you," I said under my breath, even though he obviously couldn't hear me.
Then I frowned harder at the chat.
"You're the one acting like I'm out here plotting your downfall or something."
I stared at the chat for a second longer than I wanted to.
Me: "…Okay, chill. You're overreacting. 😅"
"I didn't say I hate you or anything. I just said the song was mid. That's it lol."
"And I didn't 'complain' about you," I added quickly. "I just said what was happening. Don't twist it."
I leaned back in my chair, rubbing my hand against my temples.
"Anyway… I'm not trying to fight you or whatever. We're good"
Shiba-kun: Spare me the act, princess.
I stared at the screen for a second.
"…Are you serious right now?" I muttered.
My thumb moved before I even thought about it.
Me: "I'm not 'acting' anything. I just don't want this turning into some dumb fight."
I exhaled, leaning my head back.
"…Why is he being like this?" I muttered under my breath.
I paused, then added one more message, slower this time.
Me: "If you're just trying to pick a fight, I'm not doing this."
Shiba-kun: "I'm not trying to pick a fight. Just don't comment about my songs where I can hear you.
Oh, yeah. And sorry for complicating your life."
I stared at the screen a bit longer this time.
Me: "…You're really making this deeper than it is," I typed back.
"I wasn't trying to comment at you. I just said what I thought about the song. That's it."
"And you didn't 'complicate my life' or anything, okay? Don't be dramatic."
I leaned back in my chair, sighing.
"…Just don't act like I'm attacking you every time I talk, alright?"
Shiba-kun: "I said stop talking about me. Easy."
I stared at the message for a second.
"…Okay," I typed. "Got it. I won't.
Then another one.
"Are we good now?"
No reply. He just… left me in seen.
No good. No we're fine. Nothing.
I locked my phone and dropped it on the desk a little harder than I meant to.
"Tch…" I clicked my tongue, leaning back in my chair.
"…He's really like that, huh."
I stared at the screen for a bit longer than I should've.
"…This is getting annoying," I muttered under my breath.
It wasn't what I meant. None of it was what I meant.
Text was just making everything sound worse.
I let out a slow breath, locking my phone.
"I'll just talk to him later," I said quietly to myself.
Not to fight.
Not to explain everything either.
Just… to clear it up.
I still wanted things to be normal between us.
Kind of.
But not like before.
…But maybe I was foolish to think that.
I ran into him after class. He didn't even slow down.
That was the first thing I noticed.
I'd called his name once already. Not loud, not dramatic—just enough so he'd hear me if he actually wanted to.
"Shiba-kun."
Nothing.
He just kept walking like I was part of the background noise.
"…Hey," I tried again, a little sharper this time.
Still nothing.
It was just us on the walkway. Quiet enough that it felt stupid how loud my voice sounded in my own ears.
I stopped walking first.
My fingers gripped the strap of my bag tighter.
"Shiba-kun, wait."
He didn't.
Didn't turn. Didn't pause. Didn't even tilt his head like he heard me and decided not to care.
Just… kept going.
And that's when it started to feel weird.
Not angry weird.
Not even embarrassed.
Just… wrong.
Like I'd stepped into a conversation that wasn't happening anymore.
I took a few steps after him, faster now.
"Hey," I said again, quieter. "Can you just—"
My voice stopped halfway.
Because he was still walking.
Still not reacting.
Still not acknowledging me at all.
My chest felt tight in a way I didn't like admitting to myself.
"…Seriously?" I muttered under my breath.
I stopped completely this time.
Just stood there watching his back.
He was close enough that if I called again, he'd hear me. I knew that much.
But I also knew something else now.
He wasn't ignoring me by accident. He was choosing it…
Oh.
So that's it.
I let out a short breath through my nose.
"…Okay," I said, but it didn't sound like anything.
He kept walking.
Didn't look back once.
And I just stood there a second too long, realizing I didn't even know when I'd stopped being worth a reply.