The day was out of sync with his mood. He sat down, leaning against a tree, and started to read his book. He, who was just sitting inside the library, moved to a different place because of annoyance. He was annoyed at how a person could be so carefree and even slept inside the library. Truthfully, deep down, he knows that he was not actually annoyed, but jealous and worried he will become weak. Weak against his own desires.
After a few minutes, he started to doze off as he couldn't sleep last night, or to be exact, he always had a problem with sleeping.
"Help me! Help me!"
The sound of a small boy shouted for help as he continued to crawl forward. His feet were bloodied from the knife that was thrown at him. Despite that, he kept on crawling.
"Please help me."
The boy kept crying for help, but there's no one coming.
Then the boy who kept looking around and calling for help suddenly turned his head towards him.
"Why didn't you help me?" His eyes stared right at him as he spoke with contemn.
Then he was surrounded by a group of children. All have blood on their bodies. They all glared at him and said, "You murderer. You killed us. Are you happy now?"
He woke up sweating and out of breath. It's the nightmare that he usually has. The same terror that haunts him every time his eyes shut. Though he wouldn't call it a nightmare, as it was his own story.
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At that time, he was just celebrated his birthday. He was only three years old. He woke up feeling confused and scared. His mother's maid, who brought him to the village to her own family house, will now be called his own. Starting from that day, he lived just like an ordinary boy. He would cry silently at night for his mother to come during the first few months. His sorrow, his tears, and his prayer were nothing but a fruitless call. Then he started to adapt his life there. Everyone was so nice here, even though no one knew he was a prince. He was the first prince and the rightful heir to the throne. The full moon could be seen outside his bedroom window as the night felt colder than usual.
Suddenly, the maid came into his room and hurriedly put a dark cloth on him. She pulled him out of the room and ran towards the back door. She stopped in front of one of the chests and took out some of the hunting equipment out of the chest. He wondered why she brought him here, to the place where only tools and equipment were. There were different shapes of swords and knives, and also some bows and arrows. She asked him quietly to get in there and stay as quiet as possible. After he went in, she placed the equipment back in. The cloth that she placed on him before protected his body from the equipment. He could see through the crack of the chest. People were running all over, and screaming could be heard. He kept as quiet as possible, though he couldn't help his trembling body. Suddenly, one of his friends crawled towards him. That boy cried his eyes out and crawled towards where he was hiding. He got nearer and nearer, and suddenly a knife struck his heart. He could see his friend's soul slipping away. He could smell the blood as it felt like it was on him. The man who killed his friend before walked towards the body and kicked it to see whether he was still alive. Then he smiled, feeling satisfied like it was a hunting game. At that moment, he was so scared and the only thing he could do were only shut his eyes and wishing it was only a nightmare.
Morning comes in this small village that was covered in red. He woke up and thought to himself that it was not a nightmare. He stayed there for a few hours more. Then the maid opened the chest and hugged him warmly. She apologized as her tears kept pouring down her cheeks. She warmed up the water for him to take a bath, and prepared a nice loving breakfast —like yesterday didn't happen at all. During breakfast, the villagers who were once nice and kind turned bitter and vicious. He was confused and afraid of what would come. He hid behind the maid, trembling with fear. The villagers called him a murderer and the one who brought bad luck to the village. While some other villagers kept crying and asked him to kill himself and bring their son back to life. He kept on saying he didn't kill anyone, though no one listened. That day, he kept on repeating "No" more than a year's worth of words.
The helpless maid was banished from the village along with him. They moved from one village to another, until one day the maid was killed by a robber who tried to steal from her. We didn't have anything, but only a few coins that she earned from working at a bar. He, who was only three years old, couldn't do anything but only stay at home waiting for her to return.
At that time, he waited at home day and night, but there was no sign of her. It has been three days and there was nothing. So he decided to go look for her and as well as tried to find some food to eat. He looked everywhere for her but nothing. Then suddenly, one of the boys, about seven years old pulled him away from the busy streets. That boy told him that it was dangerous to walk recklessly, as they were many things that could harm a small boy like us, from carriage to kidnapping. The boy told him what happened to the maid. He cried with sadness as the maid was no longer here and he knew that now he was all alone. Alone in this foreign place. The boy offered to help him by teaching him ways to live in this small town as a homeless boy.
As days turn to months and a year has passed. He couldn't say he adapted to the lifestyle, but he tried to live for the future. One day news came running to this small town that a troop of knights and the king's right hand, who acted as the troop leader, will visit this town. The day they arrived, many children were amazed by how strong and gallant the knight looked. Then one of the knights came towards him and called him the title that he hadn't heard in a long time-Prince. The troop took him back to the palace. He was not sure if he was happy or glad, but he did feel something. As we arrived, his mother ran towards him and hugged him tightly like there was no tomorrow. She cried and cried as the sin crept out of her consciousness. He just hugged her silently.
Within a year and a half he was gone, many different things he could see. The most prominent one was that he had a younger brother. He was the son of the Queen. The rightful heir to the throne will be his. As the son of the royal mistress, he couldn't inherit it when the Queen herself had her own son. He thought everything was fine, but it was far from fine. Now he was beside his mother and father, but why he felt more alone than when he was in the small town. It felt suffocating.
Every day he has many different classes that he needed to attend. Every small mistake that he made, he will be whipped by his tutor. Every day, he will be given scars for his punishment. Sometimes he would be locked inside a closet because he kept on making mistakes. He was scared to be inside the closet, as he remembered the day of the massacre. He would beg for scars instead of torture. Though as time passed his tutor kept locking him inside the closet, as his tutor enjoyed his suffering and when he begged for mercy.
His mother, who he yearned for comfort and love, would occasionally have a series of episodes. She would sometimes slap and torture him. Then, when she calmed down, she would hug him and said, "I love you so much, Lex." However, the only thing that she kept on repeating every single day where he should never gave people hope, never be better than the crown prince, and always help the crown prince to become the next King of Quirinus. Thus he lives, day by day, waiting for the day he will die. Though inside, he already felt like he was already dead. He continued living with the rules and plans that were written for him. He never disobeyed or ran from the responsibilities because he knew he couldn't.
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He was reminiscing of the past event as he gave a blank stare towards the pond. He lives not because he was afraid of dying, but only to protect the one person that he had: his mother. Then, suddenly, a woman came at him with no warning whatsoever. He was startled and annoyed. He knew she was scared as he could see her small body trembled. Her black hair was swaying lightly following the wind, her face was spotless as it was made from white porcelain, and her blue eyes were as clear as the sky above on a clear day.
She offered him a cookie, though he believed it was stupid. No one would blindly accept it. He wondered which part of the world she lived in. So he just ignored her offer.
As he refused, she didn't persuade him, but only sat down next to him silently. Then, without warning, she spoke silently and softly. Her words that were meant for comfort made his heart melt as a small part of his broken-hearted healed.
"Who is she? Why she's here? Is she scheming something? I want to know."
Many thoughts ran inside his mind.
"Can she help me breathe again? Will I see her again? I want to know her."
Some other thoughts contradict what he believes.
We both sat there quietly as we've known for years. Then Sir Calisto ran and broke the silence and comfort that he receives while he sat beside her. He was surprised that Sir Calisto and the lady knew each other.
"How did Calisto met her? Is there something going on between them? Are they lovers?"
Then Sir Calisto's words shook his thoughts. He doesn't even know her, he just felt comfortable around her, but he didn't know if she felt the same way.
"Friends? What a funny word?"
He, who was always alone, doesn't know how to make friends. Furthermore, he believed that he didn't need a friend, as he knew that one day that same old friend would end up betraying him when better circumstances arose. He thought that who would ever stay and fall together when they can rise above the one who was fall. He, who was always on the floor, was scared to extend his hand as he felt that the same person would let go and pushed him down even harder. There was not a single person who would show their own true colours. Even when they were friends, they would cower in front of the strong and richer one, or in some cases, they would try to protect their friend by lying to their face. Whatever the situation, he doesn't believe the need or benefit of a friend, as those friends could never save him from this hell.