"NO!" The priest screamed as soon as he recognized Helena's group, "No, not again!"
"Hey! Don't you try and hide from me!" Helena continued as she walked down the aisles of confused believers.
"I don't owe you anything!" Haddock yelled back, "Go away!"
"No can do buddy." Helena smirked, "We're here for answers. Roland. Rattle him."
"My pleasure!" Roland smirked as he drew both his swords and stomped forward to intimidate the priest upon his stage. That was until he reached the banisters and pushed on the gate only to find it locked, "Wha-oh. Wait, where's the-oh it's that kinda latch. I'll just...uhh...hold on, let me just...move my sword here and-"
"Momo." Helena sighed, "Rattle him."
"Got i-awwwww..." Roland said in disappointment as Haddock yelped and cowered in shock as Momo blasted a random urn next to his head with lightning magic.
"Right." Helena said as she smoothly lead the rest of them right on stage before hooking an arm over Haddock's head, "Why don't we head somewhere private so we can...talk about things."
"What about the congregation?" Corissa asked.
"Kaguya, take over for a bit."
"Me?" Kaguya frowned, "I don't know anything about their religion."
"Just read them some passages or something." Helena shrugged as she picked up a bible looking thing and tossed it over to Kaguya, "Come on, Haddock. Let's hear what you have to say."
"Alright bucko." Helena said after forcing Haddock into a back room and throwing him into a chair, "Start talking."
"I don't owe you any money." Haddock said as he covered his head the best he could with his priestly hood.
"Yeah we know." Helena smirked, "We just want answers."
"W-What do you mean?"
"Corissa, I'll leave it to you." Helena nodded.
"Wha?! Already?!" Corissa yelped, "I usually do some research before I come here but...alright..." She sighed, "There's a tale about this town receiving a blessing of a river from a goddess right?"
"T-The River of Zaffira Morgana?" Haddock blinked, "Yes. Why do you ask?"
"I want to know more about this goddess." Corissa crossed her arms, "Who is she? What does she believe in? Why do you follow her?"
"O-Oh...I see." Haddock cleared his throat as he straightened up and took off his hood, "You wish to be converted."
"No-"
"Yeah sure, whatever." Helena cut off Corissa's correction with a wave of her hand.
"The goddess Zaffira Morgana is a well known goddess across the world." Haddock said, his voice entering a dramatic pitch as he clasped his hands in prayer, "She was born from a sapphire ocean, her own purity heralding her arrival as she cleared the muck around her for her ascent. With her power, she gave life the gift of water. A source of nourishment she hoped would serve as the foundation for all living things such that they would need no more. Want no more. And by such we would have peace among all life. Only for foolish humans to step away from her ocean. And in their hunger, committed sin against the life she cherished. As we turned away from her life giving water, her power waned and when the gods left, she went with them, taking the river we cherished with her."
"Mhm. Mhm." Helena nodded, listening to the story with dubious interest, "What do you think, Corissa?"
"A few problems." Corissa crossed her arms, "First of all, I have never heard of a goddess named Zaffira Morgana before."
"We have greatly waned in power sadly." Haddock shook his head, "No wonder you wouldn't have heard of her."
"Then how do you explain the existence of a second water goddess named Salaphira?"
"I...have never heard of your goddess." Haddock shook his head, "And yet, you do not see me attacking you for your infidelity, foolish one."
"This is not a matter of difference, Priest Haddock." Corissa replied with expertise that she had never demonstrated before, "If your goddess was truly this powerful, she would've come into conflict against Salaphira and her believers in a holy war. Yet no such war has ever been recorded."
"War you say?" Momo said in surprise.
"Yes." Corissa nodded, "Back in the god's era, there would be wars between gods and humans. But a lot of the time, the gods in conflict simply fuse together, taking up a new name or one supplants the other. Salaphira may be the one that has survived up til she disappeared and had taken more lives and names than she wanted but Zaffira was never one of them."
"Perhaps we were more obscure than we realize." Haddock shrugged, "But our belief is no less devout."
"It's not a matter of obscurity." Corissa insisted, "Zaffira's story you just told me was just a part of Salaphira's story."
"I-I-Is it?" Haddock said, his eyes darting away in fear.
"Salaphira started out as a Goddess of Purity. She arose in response to gratitude for pure, clean water and developed her powers to slowly purify water. She arrived at villages of the poorest quality, places where their people were lucky to have clean water. And in places where the people were in such a state due to corruption, she fought them, including those that were backed by other gods. Even though she didn't want to. Bloodshed is indeed against her nature but her nature inspired her own people to act. This contradiction came to a head against the reigning God of the Seas at that time, Seavain, where slander was made against the Goddess of Purity being unpure. She was called a whore and evil and a liar. And in response, she casted off the title of Purity, welcoming impurity and embracing the conflict she was so unsure about. All to inspire her believers who fought with power and fervor that surpassed even Seavain before Salaphira took his title. Her myth was always about the fragility of innocence and the ultimate pointlessness of just "remaining pure". The ocean may be impure for us but that impurity was also life giving to many sea life. In that way, the oceans were never pure or impure. It nurtured life no matter if you purified it or not. The goals of your Zaffira Morgana sounds like something Salaphira would think of but only if her history went an entirely different way. It sounds naive and immature for a Goddess of Purity, much less a Goddess of Water like you claim Zaffira is. Had your dogma existed during Salaphira's time, her own mythos and lessons would've undoubtedly supplanted Zaffira's. Exposed it for how foolish it truly is. If you're worshiping it now then it must mean her teachings have gotten lost...or that you've only recently emerged."
That final accusation hit like a truck as all eyes turned towards the priest who looked visibly shaken.
"W-Well I guess Salaphira's teachings must've gotten lost like you suggested." Haddock tried smiling politely.
"Except that Corissa reciting all this to you right now just proves that her story and ideas have not in fact been lost." Helena pointed out.
"Y-You can't just bring an expert and claim her knowledge is representative of the people."
"I'm not an expert." Corissa corrected, "And even if I was, that doesn't mean her teachings were forgotten. Even if her name is lost, her ideas remain. And I can't say that for Zaffira. Saying her story is immature is one thing if it could actually develop. But as it sounds, it just sounds like dogma meant to control people. I've seen examples like this plenty of time."
Haddock's eyes flitted around the room wildly as he tried to think of some sort of response, "Umm...uhhh..."
"What are you hiding Haddock?" Helena frowned.
"H-h-hiding? What do you mean? I don't know what you're-"
"This church was gone. We've seen it destroyed twice. Seen you dead twice. How are you back? Why are you back? Why does this church keep coming back?"
"A-All our believers need a place to pray and the church is important for that so..."
"So you brought it back in one da-LESS than a da-OVERNIGHT?!" Helena continually corrected herself as she narrowed down the time it took for this church to come back.
"S-So?" Haddock said more sullenly now, "We want the church back as soon as possible anyway."
"And why's that?" Momo pressed, "So you can find more victims as soon as possible?"
"Victims is a...crass term." Haddock coughed.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Helena rolled her eyes, "Let's stop beating around the bush. We already know what you are."
"O-Oh?"
"You're an eldritch monster." Helena nodded, "A being whose existence defies the natural order of this world."
"A monster who threatens the whole of humanity." Momo added.
"A parasite that perverts life and death alike." Corissa agreed.
"Yep. In short. A pervert." Helena nodded again.
"Eh?" Corissa turned to Helena as she said that with a straight face.
"Yep yep. A pervert." Momo nodded along once more with dubious attention paid.
"Wh-..." Haddock looked baffled by this accusation, "I'm not a pervert!"
"How do you feel about kids?"
"I...like them?"
"That's a big oof there man." Helena shook her head.
"I don't think that's weird." Corissa muttered.
"Anyway, here's the bottom line." Helena clapped her hands to get everyone's attention again, "You tell us what you're up to and we'll leave."
"I just want to spread the word of my god!" Haddock cried, almost sobbing at this point.
"Your god is fake and gay." Helena smirked, "Why don't you tell us about your REAL god?"
Haddock's eyes sharpened at this challenge, as if he suddenly became a different person, turning hungry eyes towards Helena, "You wish to know?"
"Hell yeah I do." Helena replied, eyes staring with no hesitation back into Haddock's.
"Then you must first be baptized."
"Alright. Bet."
Corissa moved to try and say something but Momo placed a knowing and gentle hand on her shoulder and shook her head.
"Right this way then..."
Following Haddock, the group emerged from the church's backrooms as Kaguya was delivering a sermon. A very...passionate sermon.
"And you will KNOW my name is THE LORD! When I lay my vengeance upon thee!"
"Kaguya." Helena called, "New lead."
"Oh. Excuse me, my fellow believers." Kaguya bowed politely before following the girls off to a different side room.
"Here we are." The priest said with a low guttural, inhuman growl hiding in the shadows of his voice, "The holy water we keep for coronation of new fellows to our community."
With a drastic flourish, the priest pulled a brown cloth off to reveal a standing basin seemingly filled with normal looking water.
"...So I just dunk my head in this?" Helena asked.
"Yes...that is all..." The priest said, touching the tips of his fingers together evilly.
"...Aight."
And with seemingly little hesitation, Helena lowered her head, only slowing down seconds from touching the water as she slowly built up anticipation...until her nose touched the surface of the water. And the "water" jumped up, revealing a fleshy underside as it wrapped itself around Helena's head as she bolted up and began struggling to try and get it off.
"HAHAHAHAHA!" Haddock laughed evilly as he pointed mockingly at Helena, "See now your folly?! You shall become one of us! So will each of you! Your mind and will will become one with us!"
…
"Corissa?" Momo asked.
"Oh alright." Corissa sighed as she walked up and grabbed the monstrous human flesh trying to take over Helena's head, "Holy."
And with that, the parasite faded into nothingness, leaving a free Helena gasping for air though she had hardly taken the breath she needed before blurting out,
"DIPSHIT!" Her angry cry forcing her to take deep breaths as she did her best to recover before continuing her rage, "We did this already! This happened literally yesterday! Why did you think this would work?!"
"...You know, I don't think you've actually told me how that spell actually works." Haddock nodded, his voice and mannerisms back to normal just as suddenly as it had changed.
"And you never will." Helena scowled, "I'm tired now. Corissa, rattle him."
"Wait, wha-" Haddock looked around in confusion as Corissa walked up to him, grabbed him by the face and then evaporated him with a single word.
"Alright." Helena sighed, her ordeal now over, "I just remembered that we still actually haven't gotten any breakfast so how about we head back and see if we can get what is now brunch?"
"Our orders better be done by now." Momo sighed, "I'm so hungry, I don't know if I've even been paying attention to much of what's been going on."
"That would explain a lot."
"Hah." Helena took another deep breath, "You know, I'm still angry. Corissa, nuke the church again please."
"Was there even a point to you using yourself as bait?" Corissa frowned.
"Sure there was. Now we know what kind of eldritch we're dealing with."
"There has to have been a better way."
"Hey, I've just been doing what Roko would've done."
"I don't think Roko would've told you to do that." Corissa sighed, "Whatever. Holy."
Touching a wall this time, Corissa destroyed the entire church, sending it back to non-existence as they were left in an empty lot.
"Nice. Now...back to the inn I guess." Helena smiled.
The trip back to the inn was quiet as none of them seemed to have enough energy left after skipping breakfast to discuss what had went on. Thankfully, the moment they sat down at their table, a waitress quickly ran over with their food they had ordered on trays.
"I'm so sorry for the wait!" Lydia yelped as she quickly passed out the orders they had made hours ago by now, "We've just been so busy, I hope you don't mind."
"No, it's fine. Perfect timing really." Helena said as she looked down at her delicious looking lamb kebab, "We just went out for a walk and time really got away from us."
"I see..."
"These seem pretty fresh though." Kaguya looked down at her kofta, "Did you only finish these orders recently?"
"Oh yes, we've been very busy." Lydia said, bowing again in apology.
"Hey, I don't remember ordering a steak." Momo said.
"Oh really?!" Lydia gasped, "I'm so sorry! I'll check the order and get back to you!"
"No it's fine." Momo smiled as she began cutting the steak, "I like steak. You can give my original order to Corissa here."
"Is that okay?" Lydia asked.
"That's fine." Corissa smiled politely back, "If you ever need more help in the kitchen, I'll be happy to help though."
"Oh, I could never impose on a guest." Lydia bit her lip, "But...perhaps for short periods of time?"
"Certainly."
"Thank you so much! I'll get back to you in a short while okay? And I promise this time it'll be short!"
And with that Lydia rushed away to the kitchen again.
"What a nice girl." Helena nodded.
"Seems a little flustered or panicked all the time though." Momo noted, "Hope she can find a way to calm down one day."
"Well running an inn is a stressful job." Kaguya pointed out.
"True." Corissa sighed.
For a quiet moment, the group ate their food as Corissa watched. Then she casually asked, "So how's the food?"
"Pretty good." Momo replied as she picked up another slice of steak, "Could probably use more salt though."
"Yeah same." Helena nodded.
"Same here." Kaguya reported.
…
"Hey wait a minute..." Kaguya said as a small realization began spreading across her face.
"What's up, Kaguya?" Helena asked.
"Weren't there people at the church?"
"Uhh...yeah? You were preaching to them remember?"
"Yeah. And then we destroy the church right?"
"Yeah? You were there right?"
"And NOTHING was left?"
…
"What happened to the people?" Kaguya asked the question that had finally come across all their minds.
…
"OH FUCK." Helena moaned as she dropped her fork and clutched her head.