Alex! Dria! Ready or not, here I come!
A soft laugh echoing throughout the house.
"Where are you?"
After some time a panicked voice echoed, "Where can those children be?" sobbing, "I can't find them!"
At this time four tiny ears that were hidden behind the bookcase in the corner of the living room perked up instantly, belonging to two bodies that were trembling with excitement and now stiffened hearing the sobs of their mother. At this, four little ears perk up with eyes sparkling with excitement. "Mom! We're here we no gone!"
They burst around the bookcase in a panic.
Their eyes sad, but upon seeing their mother's unsaid face, they started giggling uncontrollably at the sweet taste of victory, as if they had won the greatest game ever.
Mom smiles, "Hey, you are my two loves; always be with Mom and each other. Do you promise to be together?" To which two heads nodded, agreeing to always be together. Not knowing what the future holds.
Mom asked, "Were you hiding?"
Two heads are shaking vigorously.
"Are you sure you weren't hiding? Asked Mom, who had a look on her face.
"Oh really?" she said, raising an eyebrow. "You weren't hiding?"
Alex chimed, "Nooo," with a playful grin on his face.
"No hiding!" Dria echoed after backing up her brother with laughter in her voice.
Mom smiled and hugged us, saying, "You are my two loves; always be with Mom and each other. Do you promise to be together?" To which two heads nodded, agreeing to always be together. Not knowing what the future holds.
"Promise," said Mom sternly.
"Promise, Mommy," Alex replied confidently.
Dria nodded too with a smile mirroring Mom's, because when her mother smiled, everything felt safe.
I can remember it like it was yesterday.
Dad, Mom, Alex, and I were in the car driving home after visiting Grandpa and Grandma.
Grandpa is my favorite, as he always hugs me and tells me he loves me.
Grandma only says that to my brother. She calls him her "handsome boy" and gives him sweets.
But never with me, she was always cold and distant.
I asked her once if she loves me too, and she said that I'm not a boy.
I remember running to Mom and crying, asking her how I could be a boy.
But to not lose track.
I remember Alex saying that he wanted ice-cream and caramel so while passing the ice-cream store, I said, "mom ca we get ice-cream? Cawamel for Alex an sprinkles fo me?
I wish I had kept my mouth shut.
Coming out of the store, Alex got his caramel and I got my sprinkles.
While being super focused on my ice-cream that was melting too fast, some fell on the floor, and Mom laughed.
In that moment I felt safe, loved, and like everything would be alright.
But nothing lasts forever.
On our way back to the car everything changed.
Mom held my hand as we were about to cross to the car.
Alex was laughing at something Dad said – not sure what it was.
Then I saw it, a car driving strangely on the road, like it was going somewhere but not sure where it was going.
Like it's coming to us but at the same time not to us.
It just felt wrong. I waited for anyone else to notice the wrong car.
For Mom to stop.
But none did, nor did Mom stop.
I called to her, "Mom—"
But none heard me.
Did I say it out loud, or was I thinking of saying it?
I don't know if I said it out loud.
Then the environment around me changed.
I felt Mom's hand removed from mine as I was pushed aside.
The sound of tires screeching echoed, but it felt distant, like it was happening somewhere far away.
I could hear Dad screaming and Alex crying, but it sounds so far.
I looked at my hand that was empty and started looking around for Mom but could find her.
All I saw was the car. My life was never the same after that.
Dad was the first one to change.
Gradually, he became withdrawn.
Like his life had ended.
He stopped looking at me, and when he did, there was hatred in his eyes.
He wouldn't talk to me anymore, like I was a burden in his life.
Then an overseas job offer came.
He said, "I need this job to take care of you guys."
But I knew it was to get away from me.
He still looked at and spoke to Alex but not me.
He couldn't bear to look and see Mom's reflection.
Not on his precious son but on his daughter.
A murderer, the one because of whom his love had to die.
The day he left I was just as hurt.
He left us with Grandma and Grandpa, kissed Alex, and didn't turn back.
I lost my mother and now father; he did not even await her funeral. I am so heartbroken.
I stood outside crying after Dad left, telling him not to leave me, telling him that I need him.
I don't even know when it got dark and the rain started; it feels like the heavens are mourning Mom's death and Dad's leaving with me.
I don't know when I lost consciousness.
Or when Grandpa came and carried me in the house.
That was ten years ago, and I have not seen Dad once.
He talks to Alex, but I can't hear his voice.
He hates me.
Alex… He doesn't hate me.
Nor does he love me like before
He just stares at me.
He hardly speaks to me.
It's worse each time he speaks to Dad.
Grandma hates me.
Only Grandpa loves me unconditionally and without hesitation.
But he also has left me.
Grandma says I'm a jinx; everywhere I go, people die.
I refused to accept that.
I would cry every time she said it, which was a lot.
She was not subtle.
Now, I am slowly starting to believe.
The voices yell at me.
Everyone's yelling at me.
Calling me names, saying I'm a murderer, saying I'm a jinx.
Are they right?
Did I kill Mom?
Did I kill Grandpa?
Did I make Dad leave?
Did I make Alex and Grandma hate me?
I constantly replay it in my mind.
"Where did it go wrong?"
"What happened to lead me here?"
"Am I really a jinx?"
"Is everyone around me destined to die?"
"When will Grandma and Alex die?"
"Am I at fault?"
The voices constantly answer, "You shouldn't have asked for the ice cream."
Awakening clarity in my mind.
This is my fault.
Would Mom be alive if I never asked for ice-cream?
Is she really gone because of me?
Not once did my mind remember Alex first ask.
So why am I treated with disdain?
My mind just keeps replaying, This is your fault…